Most of you must be wondering where I am at. Well, this is an update. After coming back from Korea I needed some time to lick my wounds and to understand what had happened. Initially, the treatment in Korea had brought me significant relief. But then fluctuations with new symptoms started popping up. And during the last week of my treatment, the symptoms even got much worse. After my return, this trend continued for a while. To my regret and frustration, I had to hold my head with my hands even when sitting in a chair, when typing on a keyboard, or when standing up. Walking was a disaster. Clearly, I was in a much worse state than I was before going to Korea. This wasn’t the desired result, not what I had planned.
By saying that, the cause for the deterioration already reveals itself. I had tried to cure myself within the time constraints of a project, with tasks and milestones. I had applied this method so many times in other situations: set targets, define milestones, write a project plan with action items, and execute the whole thing, being pretty sure of finalizing the implementation on time.
But this approach, or way of life, is exactly what had made me ill in the first place. By rigidly structurizing my life, my actions, and my time, I have been moving through life based on sheer will power. In this regime, there was no room for my actual needs, for the voice of my heart, for my feelings, for my body. This is a consequence of the freeze response induced by trauma. There is no flow. Everything is entirely and rigidly controlled.
So I learned a lesson: it is not possible to cure myself with an approach that had actually previously contributed to the onset of my symptoms! Meanwhile I can laugh about it. I did not see this coming, only started to suspect it by the end of my stay in Korea and fully realized it afterwards.
I also realized another thing: the treatment had been too hard on me. I had received the maximum possible number of treatments in the given time. Most patients who come to the clinic live in Korea and only receive a treatment once in a while. This allows the body to recover from the harsh manipulations. For me that was different. Often, I underwent chiropractic manipulations four times per day. I have come to understand that this has been too much for my body. It gave me the signals to slow down, but I ignored them. Only in the end did I start to see what was happening: day by day I was adding new, incremental trauma to my traumatized body.
Concluding, apart from the valuable insights I gained, the treatment didn’t ‘work’ for me. Yet it certainly does for various other people. I have seen CD patients fully recover with my own eyes. But they had (and took) all the time in the world to recover. That’s the difference with me. They completely let go of any and all pressure. I suppose that in itself should already be enough to recover.
So where do I stand now? I am not cured. But I am still certain that I will be. Since my return from Korea my condition has much improved. By now, my neck is doing as well as before going to Korea, perhaps even better. I experience frequent moments of freedom, and still see a positive trend. I am going strong on the STRC program. I continue with trauma therapy (Somatic Experiencing). My physical therapist has transitioned to “maintenance mode”, which means that I only visit him once a week. I am taking blue-green algae since a couple of months. I am also inspired by Jordi from Barcelona, who has healed himself with proprioceptive exercises. Along those lines, I have started to integrate Qi Gong into my daily exercise routine. And recently I have begun to explore other, new ways to heal myself. I may write about those in the future.
Stay tuned. The journey is ongoing.