Perspectives

After having put together the information in the section Phenomena of this blog, I went on to search for answers and perspectives. Below you will find my first findings. For most of them I will attach documents in the Documents section of this blog. Much of the information on trauma comes from the work of Dr. Robert Scaer.

 

Childhood trauma

Childhood trauma could stem from different sources. One can identify trauma due to psychological, physical, and sexual threats. Since a child is relatively helpless and completely depending on its caregivers, a seemingly small issue in this relationship could already lead to severe trauma. A loose definition of trauma is: having to face a (life) threatening event while one is helpless. If we are unable to control the situation or protect ourselves, we will become traumatized. When a small child becomes traumatized due to its parents or caregivers, it cannot hold this against them, since the child depends on them and has nowhere else to go. Instead, the child tends to direct its negative emotions to the self. It will become convinced that the trauma happened due to its own flaws and imperfection. On many occasions, this self-blame even makes the child (and the adult that it grows up into) convinced that there was no trauma. Dissociation and repression can also contribute to memory loss of childhood trauma. Worldwide research shows that up to 60% of people with childhood trauma cannot remember it later in life.

The negative self image is detrimental for self-esteem and often leads to perfectionism and the tendency to please others. “if I never make a mistake, if I am always compliant, if I put everyone else’s needs before my own, and if I don’t say “no” to other people’s requests, perhaps people will love and appreciate me or at least will stop criticizing and judging me”.

Setting unrealistically high goals and becoming a workaholic is the next step.

Below is a more complete list with the possible long-term effects of childhood trauma (source: Jan Sutton).

 

Freeze response

Looking more into the biology of trauma, there is one aspect to it that is not yet widely understood: the freeze response. We are all familiar with the fight/flight response in the face of a threat. Our organism prepares itself to survive by means of fighting or fleeing. A huge amount of energy is being released for this purpose. However, when neither fighting nor fleeing is an option, e.g., when we are cornered and completely helpless, another survival mechanism will come into force: the freeze response. We will become immobilized, seemingly dead. This will take several minutes. In the wild, the predator often loses interest in its prey and moves on. The prey will then start to come to its senses. An important observation here is that the prey will subsequently discharge the accumulated energy that was generated for survival. It will do so by heavy breathing, shaking, and by making running movements – as if completing the physical movements of fight and/or flight that it was unable to perform earlier. After some time, the discharge will be completed and the animal will be fully recovered, able to continue living as before. In other words: the animal has no trauma! However, it has been found that captured animals are unable to discharge after going into the freeze response. And these animals are unable to survive in the wild afterwards. They are still in a state of freeze response and cannot protect themselves.

Human beings apparently have the same problem as captured animals, possibly because we live in a cultural cage. So after entering the freeze response in the face of threat, we humans are rarely able to discharge the survival energy, which gets stuck in our system: we become traumatized.

 

Women

From research all over the world, it is well-known that women are twice as likely to become traumatized as men, twice as likely to develop PTSD symptoms (post-traumatic stress disorder). Most probably this is due to the fact that women become traumatized in different situations. They are more vulnerable; specifically, they are more prone to sexual trauma than men.

Another possible explanation for this gender difference is that women (and children, for that matter) are naturally wired to freeze in the face of a traumatic situation, and men are built to fight or flee. In a tribal conflict for instance, women would have had decreased chances of survival if they would have tried to fight or run away. Hence the tendency to freeze. For men on the other hand, the natural thing to do in order to survive would be to fight or flee.

 

Dissociation

Freeze goes hand in hand with so-called dissociation. Once someone gets stuck with all this arousal energy due to the freeze response, it constantly reminds the victim of the trauma. In order to cope with this, the victim dissociates. In fact, the freeze response in itself is already a kind of dissociation. Dissociation means that the victim detaches from part of his or her reality. Dissociation can take many forms: splitting off of consciousness, emotional numbing, splitting off of body functions or awareness (somatic dissociation), repressed memories, changed perception of time, altered perception of the self, etc.

It should be clear that dissociation isn’t healthy at all, and prevents to be ‘whole’.

 

Lifelong pattern

Once someone has entered the freeze response, it appears that this becomes a pattern, provided that the freeze response is never being discharged. Any new, threatening life event will again invoke the freeze response, making the person more vulnerable and helpless each time. In this pattern, trauma and the stuck survival energy in the body, continually accumulate. Especially if someone has experienced childhood trauma, the accumulated trauma in the rest of that person’s life tends to become enormous. Then, even minor negative events will cause a new trauma. And even ‘regular’ stress will greatly enhance the amount of stored arousal energy.

Later in life, the accumulated trauma typically results in more physical trauma, such as accidents involving injuries to the head and neck. E.g., it has been shown that people who have been in motor vehicle accidents (whiplash) with severe PTSD-like symptoms even though the accidents happened at very low speeds, almost always have a history of prior cumulative unresolved trauma.

 

Chronic disease

But physical trauma is not the only consequence of accumulated trauma. Anxiety, phobias, personality disorders, PTSD symptoms such as light and sound sensitivity (also called hypervigilance), etc., are more likely to become part of our lives. And chronic disease appears to be a major factor as well. It is well known that people with chronic diseases often have a history of accumulated life trauma, usually including early childhood trauma.

The story behind this fact is becoming clearer, thanks to the work of neurologist Dr. Robert Scaer. When human beings enter the freeze response and don’t discharge it, this is found to have a big impact on procedural memory systems in the brain. Procedural memory is for memorizing how to do things, how to follow procedures, how to walk through sequences. Sequences stored in procedural memory are very sustainable and readily accessible. E.g., how to ride a bicycle is typically stored in procedural memory. The areas in the brain connected to procedural memory are most likely: striatum, basal ganglia, cerebellum, and limbic system.

Now there is strong evidence that memories of the motor sequences of a traumatic event are stored in this memory system. And within the framework of somatic dissociation, this can lead to the splitting off of that region of the body that was actively generating sensory input during the traumatic event.

In this light, it is plausible that cervical dystonia is the storage into procedural memory of the orienting reflex that occurs in the face of a threat – especially if the threatening situation had a relation to the position of the head, which is actually mostly the case. The orienting reflex is the movement of the head from left to right, and/or up and down, in order to assess the situation and to see, smell, and hear where the threat comes from. If the orienting reflex coincides with entering the freeze response (that is subsequently not discharged), it thus gets stored in procedural memory, where it will be causing perpetuated neck spasms. As Dr. Scaer puts it: “That region or part of the body that provides sensory input to the brain regarding a traumatic event may later be subjected to selective regional autonomic dysregulation through the process of dissociation. Somatic dissociation is the splitting off of a region of the body from normal conscious perception that results in a physiological change in that body region.” Hence, cervical dystonia is a syndrome of procedural memory. The fact that CD patients show a deficiency when replicating certain sequences (see the Phenomena section), must without doubt be related to the finding that procedural memory is heavily involved here.

 

Unresolved anger

Anger is generally recognized as part of any traumatic event. Anger provides the energy for the fight or flight response. However, when a person enters the freeze response and doesn’t recover from it (i.e., becomes traumatized), so does the associated anger. It remains stuck in our system. Also, there often is a great deal of anger due to injustice done to us, which we cannot express however, especially if the trauma occurred in childhood.

Unresolved anger leads to the following personality traits.

  • Criticality is a clear expression of unconscious anger. It is a kind of intellectual anger, which goes hand in hand with perfectionism.
  • Along with perfectionism come self-criticism and the inability to accept oneself.
  • Demandingness can also be understood as an expression of suppressed anger. Having been so frustrated but unable to express the associated anger, it is natural to create demands that function like spells and wishes to resolve that very frustration.
  • Along with demandingness come discipline and conscientiousness.
  • The need to control is obviously there to control one’s own anger. But this need extends to the outside world as well and often takes obsessive dimensions.
  • The need to control goes hand in hand with the need to rigidly structurize. This forces one to make meticulous preparations, and it does not allow for improvisation or coping with unstructured situations. Thinking ‘outside the box’ also becomes hard.
  • Not allowing anger to be expressed, transforms the personality into one that will always behave correctly, be it in a formal way. It is virtually impossible to spontaneously follow natural impulses and have uncomplicated pleasure. It becomes outright difficult to express any emotions, especially (of course) the anger itself.
  • Denying anger in ourselves will obviously make us blind to anger in other people as well.

 

MBTI: INTJ

Having an INTJ personality implies that we are more susceptible to developing CD. When we have trauma, the way we cope with the consequences is obviously related to our personality structure.

  • We are introvert – as opposed to extravert -, so we tend to keep our stresses inside, instead of throwing it all out. This builds the tension in our system.
  • We are intuitive – as opposed to sensing -, and therefore we tend to look at the big picture. We do not allow ourselves to get lost in specific anxieties or anger, but we rationalize things and make sure we arrange our lives in such a systematic way that we keep on track with the targets that we set for ourselves.
  • We are thinking people – as opposed to feeling. So we are inclined to neglect and deny our feelings and pain, keeping them buried. We lead our lives the way we think we should, instead of the way we feel we should.
  • We are judging, as opposed to perceiving. This allows us to plan our activities way ahead, controlling our every step.

Our personality gives us powerful means to deal with the symptoms caused by trauma. Although we do suffer from (some) anxiety, phobias, depression and anger, we are able to continue with our lives and be more or less ‘successful’. We do this by deploying rigid control, not listening to our feelings, our hearts. But this of course makes us less and less flexible, while more and more harmful tension and stress is building up inside. Until we cannot take it anymore.

 

Body Symbolism

As an intermezzo, let me give some quotes from the book “Body Symbolism” by Richard Rybicki, as I think these insights are very relevant to CD/ST. I have always been convinced that disease doesn’t just happen to us, but that we ourselves are responsible for creating it, and that it brings us a message about the life and growth issues we struggle with. Richard’s understanding of these messages has been eye opening to me. I also would like to thank him dearly for his personal support to me!

Skeletal muscles in the lower part of our body are principally used for support and movement; they tend to be heavy in development. The skeletal muscles in the upper part of our body tend to be softer and more pliable; available for quicker, more sensitive movements. Muscles represent our sense of personal power and self-reliance. Chronically tough, tense muscles will decrease the all-important quality of sensitivity; frozen muscles block emotions and intuitions, thus keeping our true feelings out of awareness. This, of course, only perpetuates the condition the person felt originally: that of self-alienation which, of course, limits how much we can love ourselves, which definitely limits true personal power. Damage to muscles through disease or injury usually represents concerns about aggression and personal power, often because of a belief in weakness, an immense fear of, or a stubborn unwillingness to be, self-reliant. Negative conditions in muscle that are severe can indicate a desire to stop movement in one’s life and even a desire to go backward in time and development to lost, bygone days of perceived protection and acceptance.

Our nervous system serves to connect our consciousness to the outer world and connect our consciousness to our inner, body world. In order to best accomplish this, humanity has designed two complementary nervous systems, the voluntary and the autonomic. The voluntary system is how our consciousness connects to and manipulates our external environment; it functions according to the power of will. The autonomic system is divided into two aspects, both feminine energy in nature: the sympathetic and parasympathetic.

Our non-physical, imagination-based identity greatly relies upon our nervous system to anchor itself to and operate in physical reality, chiefly through our brain. 
Disturbances in the nervous system must be interpreted according to the chakra area and body functions affected. Because nerves deal with perception and will, and greatly affect muscles, nervous system disturbances generally indicate dilemmas about perception, personal power and self-reliance. Nervous system dysfunctions generally suggest a desire to not be aware of and connected to the outside world; the person feeling “I can’t take it anymore!” and wanting to draw a perceptual shade. The emotions behind these conditions are generally frustration, sorrow, fear, sadness and, of course, intense anger. 

Our excretory system serves the crucial functions of removing digested matter, undigested matter and toxicity from our systems. The waste products of metabolism are excreted in solid, liquid and gaseous forms. … Anger and hate are innocent. If left alone and released as felt, in gradations, they would just pass through our skin like so much perspiration.

Our fifth chakra is located in our throats. Its energy is geared to the honest expression of self, especially our emotions. The fourth and fifth chakras, having to do with love and honest verbal expression [respectively], are physical, but less so and serve as transitions between the material and spiritual realms.

Fifth chakra: thyroid gland, parathyroid, throat, larynx, tongue, teeth, pharynx, cervical vertebrae, neck, shoulders, jaw, eyes, ears, nose.

Problems with our neck may indicate several motives, each having to do with awareness and expression of self. Our neck is a pivotal point; we use it to turn this way and that, to look this way and that. If we do not want to be flexible and look at new ideas or face some realization about ourselves or others, we may symbolize this reluctance by creating a stiff neck so that we can comfortably look in one (avoidant) direction only. Also, because we use our necks to hold our heads high with pride, we may hurt our neck to symbolize that we believe and feel we cannot honestly hold our head with pride. If we are very rigid in our self-definitions or are fearfully avoiding self-inspection we may reflect these with … [a] more serious, locking condition….

Sometimes we hold back our expression of anger at someone and instead give ourselves “a pain in the neck”, as we feel that person to be. A more severe condition like a muscular constriction of our throat may indicate feelings of anger and not wanting to have opinions or obligations “shoved down our throat” anymore or finding some situation “hard to swallow”.

Our jaw serves as the brain’s censor – clamping down on disallowed expressions (most often anger) through prolonged contractions of muscles. This often leads to grinding our teeth while awake and especially while asleep. According to bioenergetics, tension in our jaw usually correlates with tension in our pelvis. Also, a muscle block in our jaw hinders the flow of energy to our eyes. Our jaw involves our chin, a part of us which often indicates emotional blows received.

Masculine and feminine energies are expressed in each person. The right side of our body expresses our masculine energies and the left side our feminine energies. Therefore, a disease or injury on the right side of our body indicates a psychological issue related to our masculine energy, men in our life, men in general and/or our male-energy dominated society.

Disease or injury to our ears indicates a desire to not hear what has been or could be said. The usual emotions involved are hurt, anger or fear (often of further hurt). Right or left ear indicates the sex of the people from whom the message is not wanted.

Because we use our brains to think, brain damage often indicates a conscious or unconscious desire to not think anymore, to not be aware, to not be responsible, a desire to, in essence, become numb. Also and contrariwise, there are those of us who rely on our thinking way too much and, in a manner of speaking, try to live our lives through our brains. We try to intellectualize our feelings away and easily get stuck in our heads (“long neck” style).

[Conditions of which] the dominant feature is muscle impairment, uncontrolled movements, spasticity and/or degeneration. I know of four motives involved in choosing these conditions. One motive is a common one for severe conditions: to have the disease serve as a framework of growth, an experiential mountain to climb over.

A second motive is to stop our world: to slow, slow, slow down movement (symbolized by muscle) in our life. … we try to stop our seemingly crazy, hurtful world. … We want to slow down our world so we can get an emotional grip on it. For instance, many of us have attracted events in which we feel overwhelmed, inept, powerless, picked-on and bounced around. Too many of these hurtful experiences can lead to broken dreams and a desire to quit and hide from the seemingly cruel world. … [These conditions] dramatically slow our pace of interaction with our hurtful world and provide much needed respite from expected cruelties or failures.

A third motive … has to do with our self-image. We may build into our identity a belief that we are a psychically or physically weak person. We usually do not like this belief and attendant thoughts because they generate feelings of helplessness. Thus, we understandably try to gloss over and deny them away (please remember: once an emotion is created, it cannot be denied away; it can only be repressed out of awareness. It has to be felt away.) Well, at some later time we may choose to confront our self-image and experience a body condition in which we become physically weak to reflect the emotional view we have of ourselves. These physical conditions provide the opportunity to rail against and overcome our weak self-perception. …

A fourth motive … is to create a framework in which to overcome a fear. We may have a tremendous fear of being physically weak and dependent. Thus, we may, with great courage or extremism, force total confrontation with our unconscious emotions by living and facing our feared dependence brought about through muscle impairment.

Breath is intimately connected to the flow of energy coursing through our bodies; reduced, shallow breathing leads to reduced emotional experience, which leads to low energy in our body, which often leads to not feeling powerful or safe. Difficulties in our respiratory system indicate emotional fatigue caused by large amounts of emotion stuffed inside us. Outwardly we may be dealing with distressing events, such as tragedies, domination, heavy expectations or violent punishments. Inwardly we may feel like we are drowning or suffocating in sadness, anger or fear. It is as if we have a difficult time dealing with air, because we have “no room to breathe” emotionally.

 

Cervical dystonia from the perspective of body symbolism

When trying to interpret the symbolic messages provided by CD/ST, I can produce the following views.

  • Our forward head posture has shown that we were unable to hold our heads with pride, already a long time before onset of CD symptoms.
  • In CD, the neck, and thus the fifth chakra are clearly involved. Therefore, there is a problem with the honest expression of self, especially of our emotions, i.e., our anger. And I am sure that our issues with self-esteem also mess with our honest expression of self, prevent us from really being ourselves.
  • The fact that many CD/ST patients have perspiration problems is another indicator that they are indeed having trouble to process their emotions.
  • Moreover, dissociation and numbing are reflected by the frozen (neck) muscles that do not allow us to feel our emotions (anger).
  • The fifth chakra, having to do with honest verbal expression, is physical, but less so and serves as a transition between the material and spiritual realms. So a disturbed fifth chakra in CD/ST could indicate a disconnect between the mind and the body. This is in-line with dissociation. We live too much in our heads, not in our bodies.
  • Apart from the neck, the fifth chakra also governs the thyroid gland, the jaw, and the ears. Many CD/ST patients have problems with these. For me personally, the sharp flashes of pain in my ears are associated with a traumatic message I have heard when I was very young.
  • Also, not being able to use our necks as flexible pivotal points anymore, confirms that we have become rigid.
  • Negative conditions in our muscles prevent us from moving forward and generally indicate that we would like to go back to times that were still good. This is in-line with the phenomenon that a group of CD/ST patients experiences relief when walking backwards.
  • Also, generally speaking, impaired muscles are a sign of weakness, of helplessness. And that phenomenon is clearly connected to trauma.
  • In some cases CD/ST is accompanied by a muscular constriction of the throat, which may indicate feelings of anger and not wanting to have opinions or obligations shoved down our throat anymore.
  • Our body is literally out of control, showing us that we should stop trying to control ourselves, in particular our feelings, our daily lives, our everything. With too much control, our lives stagnate.
  • Our neck is forcing us to look in one direction only, although we do not want to look in that direction. In this way, our body may be telling us to stop ignoring and looking away from our feelings, in particular our suppressed anger and grief.
  • Usually, left lookers have spastic muscles on the right side. They may be forced to look at a feminine entity or person (left), initiated by their masculine-energy side (right). For right lookers, the situation is obviously reversed. In my opinion, CD/ST often points towards a balance disturbance between left and right, i.e., between masculine and female energies. A woman who has been abused, may force herself to (angrily) look to her right (e.g., face the man who did this to her), using her female (left) neck muscles, which are negatively affected by the trauma.
    For retrocollis and anterocollis the situation may be more complex. E.g., these may indicate issues with spiritual growth, or the opposite, issues with grounding in the material world. Or issues with both female and masculine entities/persons.
  • Our bodies force us to make our worlds smaller, to decrease our action radius, to acknowledge that we can’t take it anymore, that we’ve overdone it and need time off from the rat race that didn’t bring us any further – or more specific: that didn’t bring us closer to ourselves.
  • Also, our bodies are telling us to slow down. To finally start taking care of ourselves, instead of always moving on and finding the needs of others more important.
  • With a reduced stress resistance, our bodies show us that we have to be careful with our resources, and stop the demandingness and profusion of work and activity. By losing balance, our body forces us to bring more balance in our lives: relaxation and rest diminish our symptoms.
  • We suffer from social embarrassment due to our conditions, which are obvious to others. It’s as though we have materialized what we were always afraid of within the framework of our damaged self-esteem. Afraid to be recognized by others as being different, being less worth. So this provides an opportunity for growth, to start appreciating ourselves, proving to ourselves that we are a whole and worthy being, despite the symptoms.
  • The sensory trick shows us that we can really help ourselves. And – I am convinced –  that we can also cure cervical dystonia. The sensory trick tells us that the solution is literally within reach!

 

Bottom line

So, as I see it, the ‘average’ CD patients have experienced childhood trauma, even if they don’t remember it. Then followed a lifespan with accumulating trauma. Suppressed anger played a major role in their lives. Around adolescence, they probably started to suffer from anxiety, or phobias, or depression, etc.  Meanwhile, their personality developed as one with a tendency to perfectionism, workaholism, obsessive control, structurizing everything, pleasing others, etc. Forward head posture started to show as a sign of low self-esteem. Later, the disconnect from their bodies became more obvious: they were living in their heads, always working hard, not really able to celebrate their successes, not able to truly feel their emotions, not able to express their true self. And always giving priority to the interest of others. Typically in their thirties, the trauma became more physical. Many CD patients have experienced injuries to the head and neck prior to onset of the symptoms. The symptoms themselves were onset during or just after a period of severe stress. At that point, being around forty years old, the system had accumulated a lifetime of arousal energy and suppressed anger, and couldn’t take it anymore. The entire spinal structure definitely lost balance and collapsed, causing malfunction in the brain-body communication, leading to the symptoms. And those symptoms could very well represent – at the biological level at least – the perpetuated orienting reflex that occurs in the face of a threat. So there they are: out of balance, out of control, having to slow down and make their worlds smaller, social embarrassment, etc. Their bodies have had enough and tell them that they finally need to start looking after themselves.

Not all CD patients are alike of course. It might very well be that there are CD patients without actual childhood trauma, but with later trauma that was severe enough to trigger the symptoms. Others may have triggered their symptoms by getting poisoned or by taking neuroleptics. Those drugs are of course enhancing the effect of any dissociative state, since they are designed to split off even more of our reality.

 

Concluding, almost all of the points that are summarized in the Phenomena section of this blog are clarified and addressed with the above perspectives.

84 thoughts on “Perspectives

  1. I agree with this completely. I learned some of these concepts while looking and dabbling into EFT (emotional freedom technique).

    I see what you mean when you say your not so much interested in the physical cause, such as virus’s, heavy metals, etc.
    Your concept is healing the emotional/mental trauma and that will take care of the physical causes.
    I think though, addressing the physical causes somehow releases the trauma automatically, which is why some people are cured with various treatments.
    Like what you are doing in Korea, no doubt that this physical treatment is unleashing stores of unresolved traumatic events.
    Will you be adding further postings on how to resolve these stored trauma issues according to this philosophy?
    This is where the “forgiveness” concept comes in. Forgiving everyone in our lives including ourselves. I feel like I have done this, except I am having a hard time forgiving myself, this seems to be the tough one.

    • No, I totally agree with what you are saying! It is a very good way to address the problem physically (no matter what you do, mind=body), and indeed, I think that Dr. Lee’s treatment will step-by-step remove (part of) the trauma. And yes, I will be adding more on how to address the issue in various ways. EFT is a very good option as well!
      Yes, forgiving yourself, tell me about it…

  2. Hallo,
    ich lese immer wieder mit sehr grossem Interesse ihren, deinen Blog. So viele interessante Menschen kommen hier zusammen, so viele verschiedene Schicksale, so viele Gedanken, so viel Leiden und viel Mut. Ich weiss nicht wieso TS uns so stark beeinflusst. Ich kenne viele Menschen mit organisch viel stärkeren Krankheiten die damit einfacher umgehen als wir mit TS. Vielleicht liegt es daran weil bei uns die Lösung immer zum Greifen nahe scheint und doch so schwer zu ergreifen ist.
    Ich wollte kurz 2 kleine Gedanken erläutern.
    Trauma, ich denke eines der grössten Traumata hat mein erster Neurologe mir verpasst. Ich sass vor ihm mit all meinem Leiden und meinem riesen 7 Monate Schwangerschaftsbauch. Er hat mir medizinisch eiskalt erklärt
    a) sie haben einen Tumor im Kopf oder
    b) sie haben eine erblichbedingte Kupferspeicherkrankheit (also kann auch mein Baby betroffen sein) oder
    c) TS
    Da ich ein positiver Mensch bin hab ich zaghaft gefragt : vielleicht ist das Problem im Zusammenhang mit meiner Schwangerschaft, und die Symptome werden danach wieder nachlassen.
    Daraufhin meinte er : Das können sie vergessen, haben sie sich schon angeschaut, haben sie den Muskel (sterno-cleido-mastoidien) schon gesehen, das ist schief, das ist chronisch und bleibt.
    Ich verliess seine Praxis mit viel stärkeren Zeichen und begann eine Talfahrt. Ich wollte keinen Arzt mehr sehen.(zum Glück sind nicht alle wie er)
    Zweiter Gedanke: Botox
    Ich denke wenn ein Mensch mit TS sich entschliesst Botox zu nehmen ist es nicht immer weil er den einfachen Weg wählt.(Ok bei verschiedenen schon, aber eben nicht immer) Ich habe mich 4 Jahre lang gegen Botox aufgelehnt. Ich bin selbst Medizinerin und kenne Botulismus. Und dann hat mein Mann die Kinder und mich verlassen, es war zu schwer für ihn….. Ich stand da mit meinen Kleinen musste ab jetzt alles allein rocken, allein mit den Kinder (4 Jahre und 14 Monate) den Alltag meistern, genug Geld verdienen, Haus Garten…. und Hamster ;) Ich dachte OK wenn Botox es vielleicht ein bisschen einfacher macht, ich brauch jetzt Kraft und Hilfe und spiele jetzt diese Karte. Autsch, mein lieber Körper war nicht einverstanden er macht Antikörper und neutralisierte das Gift fast so schnell wie es wirkte. Aber ich kenne zum Glück Menschen denen es hilft.

    Aber jetzt denke ich auch manchmal dass ich Botox so lange nicht wolte weil es irgendwo in meinem Kopf der letzte Ausweg war, die letzte Hilfe “wenn das nicht hilft, bin ich am Ende”

    Mein zweiter Mann hilft mir viel mehr als Botox ;) ; er sieht mich und nicht TS, das einzige das ihn stört sind meine Schmerzen (die oft kommen aber zum Glück meist auch wieder gehen).
    Ich wünsche allen Betroffenen Halt und viele viele liebe Menschen in ihrem Umfeld, denn ich meine Einsamkeit erschwert uns unsere Last ins Unerträgliche.
    Liebe Grüsse und viel viel Kraft.

    • Wow, die Dinge, die du durchgemacht hast. Was für eine Geschichte. Ich glaube, daß du eine außerordentlich starke Person bist, wenn man bedenkt, daß du nun die Sache wirklich gut im Griff hast, dazu eine verantwortungsvolle Aufgabe hast, deine Kinder (und Hamster) erzogen hast, einen neuen Ehemann gefunden hast; und das ohne Botox. Gratuliere!
      Nun, ich kann mir vorstellen, daß es ein Trauma für dich war zu hören, was der gute Neurologe zu sagen hatte. Ich vermute, er dachte, er solle einfach so direkt mit Fachgenossen sein. Das heißt aber nicht daß das sein Verhalten rechtfertigt. Ich bin froh zu hören, daß du herausgefunden hast, daß Botox keine Lösung für dich war, auf allen Ebenen. Das Töten des Botschafters ist nie eine Gewinnstrategie, und dein Körper hat das sofort verstanden.
      In deinem vorherigen Beitrag schriebst du, daß es an einem gewissen Punkt wieder bergauf ging. Erinnerst du dich an die genauen Umstände? Könntest du diese Wende erklären? In der Hoffnung, wieder von dir zu hören, wenn du Zeit hast! Meine herzlichsten Grüße aus Südkorea.

      • Nur ganz ganz kurz ein kleines positives Feed back, dann muss ich in die Praxis. Hatte gestern morgen nach dem Aufstehen starke Schmerzen in der Halswirbelsäule, geschieht öfters dass der Wirbel rausspringt. Der linke Arm ist dann nicht so ganz tauglich…. Hab an Dr Lee und an dich gedacht, in unserer Legokiste gewühlt und ein kleines flaches Plättchen Lego zwischen Backenzähne geschoben. Und siehe da die Schmerzen waren weg! Super nein? ;) Somit wünsche ich einen schönen Tag. bis bald

        • Das is ja in der Tat ein positives Feedback! Gut gemacht. Hast du das Plättchen den ganzen Tag im Mund gehalten? Oder war das nicht notwendig?

          • Endlich ein bisschen Zeit,

            soooo, Lego blieb Stündchen drin, aber ich war wirklich sehr erstaunt über die “biomechanische” Wirkung. Jetzt suche ich überall nach Sachen von unterschiedliche Stärke um das ganze ein bisschen auszubalancieren, ist furchtbar trivial, (aber Südkorea ist zur Zeit für mich unerreichbar, wenn man keine Taube hat gibt man sich mit dem Spatzen zu Frieden) und mein Körper reagiert; wenn die Sachen aus dem Mund raus sind knackt es im Kiefer (liegt bestimmt an einer leichten Dehnung der Ligamente).

            Du fragtest an welchem Punkt es bergauf ging.( 2 Wendepunkte) sind alle beide sehr privat und rein psychologich, aber wir sind ja unter uns ;)
            1) nach der undiplomatisch schlecht formulierten Diagnose hatte ich alle Schotten dicht gemacht. Ich dachte wohl dass ignorieren die beste Lösung war. Ich denke das war ein Ueberlebensinstiknt meines Körpers oder meiner Psyche weil es zuviel war. Ich wurde schlechter und schlechter, ich konnte nichts mehr mit zwei Händen tun, selbst essen (mit Gabel und Messer (ich zerkleinerte zuerst und dann nahm ich die Gabel)). Ich konnte nur noch mit Strohhalm trinken. Ich wohnte in der Pampa, kümmerte mich den ganzen Tag um mein Baby und vegetierte. Gegenüber meines Hauses war ein grosser Hügel. Mein Ziel war es mit dem Kinderwagen ganz oben anzukommen (ich wollte keine Depression zulassen) Nach mehreren Wochen schaffte ich den Hügel und war stolz. Mein Mann versuchte auch zu ignorieren, er war komplett überfordert. Nach 6 Monaten nahm meine Nachbarin mich und brachte mich zu einem Orthopeden in Deutschland. Der war sehr jung sehr motiviert, sehr lieb, versprach mir Heilung. Das gute was er gemacht hatte bestand darin dass wir jetzt endlich eine IRM machten. Bei der……. nichts zu finden war, also auch kein Tumor der seit Monaten als damokless Schwert psychologisch über meinem Kopf hing. Ich erwachte aus meiner Tetanie, die psychologische Schwelle war überschritten, kein Tumor, kein Tod, ich würde leben und für meinen Sohn da sein, nur anders sein. Ich began wieder zu leben. Ich flog in die Sonne und began 4 Monate später zu arbeiten .
            2) nachdem mein Mann mich verlassen hatte und ich alles (inklusiv Hamster ;) )auf den Schultern hatte, hätte ich unter dem Stress schlechter werden müssen. Aber weil ich das alles meistern konnte, ging es mir auch wieder besser.

            Zusätzlich ist unser Körper wundervoll; mein Gehirn hat sich so umgestellt dass ich meine schiefe Position als gerade wahrnehme. Letztes mal hat mein Dokter gesagt “gerade sitzen” ich sagte “ich bin gerade” er sagte “nein!”. Mein Schief ist für mich Gerade geworden und schlussendlich ist das das Wichtige (wären da nicht die andern Menschen, und Frisöre….. das ist jedesmal ein Drama). Was für uns schlimm erscheint ist für andere ein Klacks. Letztens war ein neuer Freund bei meinem Sohn , der hat mich immer so angeschaut, plötzlich kam dann der Satz der mir jedesmal den Magen dreht “wieso ist deine Mama so komisch?” “Ooooh das ist nur ihr Hals sie hat da Schmerzen”, “OK!” Thema abgeschlossen.

            Ich muss aber all dem hinzufügen dass ich ein riesen riesen Glück habe, ich habe eine sehr starke links Rotation mit leichter Neigung zur Schulter (anfangs lag mein Kopf auf meiner Schulter), aber mein Kopf bleibt ruhig. Ich denke wenn man ständige Tremor hat oder auch viele andere CDs die die Mimik stark beeinflussen dann muss es wirklich noch viel schlimmer zu handeln sein.
            Mit besten Grüssen und einer Tonne voll Mut.

          • Okay, ich bin neugierig auf deine weiteren Erkenntnisse mit Kieferausrichtungsexperimenten! Und ich danke dir sehr für deine offenen Ausführungen zu deiner persönlichen Situation. Mit schmerzhaften Erinnerungen erkenne ich, was du über den Zeitraum der Verschlechterung beschreibst. Klingt genau wie es für mich war bis vor 6 Monaten.
            Dann hast du begonnen, für dich selbst zu kämpfen, und du warst stolz, wenn du oben auf dem Hügel angekommen bist. Wie ich es sehe, war das ein zutiefst heilendes Vorgehen. Was du da materialisiert und wirklich gefühlt hast, war ein richtiges Selbstwertgefühl, eine Sache, die bei den meisten Menschen mit CD so beschädigt ist. Hinzu kommt, daß mit der richtige Diagnose in Deutschland eine riesige Menge von Stress weggefallen ist, was weitere Heilung erlaubte. Und schließlich hast du die Qualität um Dankbarkeit über deine Situation zu fühlen, und das hat auch Große Heilkraft. Ich bin ziemlich sicher, daß du weiter heilen kannst mit einer gewidmeten Therapie, und daß dein Kopf wieder gerade wird!
            PS: Mir ist aufgefallen, dass du auch ganz gut in Englisch schreibst, vor allem ohne Artane. Vielleicht sollten wir zu dieser Sprache wechseln?

  3. Hallo,
    noch nicht ganz reif für nur Englisch, werde es aber versuchen (liegen mehrere Sprachen zwischen Englisch und mir), das bremst die Spontanität , fördert aber vielleicht die sprachliche Kreativität, ich werde versuchen mir Mühe zu geben. (ohne ass ;) )

    Es tut mir sehr leid zu sehen dass es dir nicht so ganz gut geht. Ich kann mir gut vorstellen dass es schwer ist so weit weg von seinen Lieben, seinen Gewohnheiten, seinem Alltag. Dann den ganzen Tag konfrontiert mit seiner Krankheiten, mit vielen anderen Gesichtern seiner eigenen Krankheit, das ist belastend. Und wir alle warten dass du sagst, super, genial “that’s it!”, so hast du nicht nur deine Erwartungen sondern auch noch unsere. (grosses Geschenk von uns ;) )

    Hoffnung gibt viel Kraft, aber Hoffnung bringt auch Ungeduld mit sich, Ungeduld Zweifel und Zweifel sind Gift. Nach jedem Tief kommt wieder ein Hoch und du wirst das schon schaffen! Auf den Fotos siehst du gross (ist vielleicht auch relativ zu sehen in Süd Korea;) ) stark, selbstbewusst und sehr gerade aus; (ich bin der schiefe Turm von Pisa hingegen).

    Ich war heute morgen beim Physiotherapeuten. Wir fixieren uns jetzt auf meine Kiefer. Wir haben es jetzt ein paarmal extern gemacht und er konnte jedes mal meinen Kopf viel viel leichter mobilisieren als sonst (meine SCM ist ein Hochleistungssportler; mein Muskel war sonst stärker als der ganze Mann !) Heute wollten wir es intern versuchen, war sehr lustig! Er hatte höllische Angst für seine Finger. Er sagte ” Schliess den Mund” dann “aber nicht die Kiefer”, ich wollte ihm antworten aber versuch das mal ohne Kiefer zu bewegen… die ganze Situation hat sich immer mehr zugespitzt, er konnte mich nicht anfassen ohne dass ich lachte, und er lachte los wenn ich ihn nur anschaute. Eine halbe Stunde Gelächter, ehrlich wir haben wissenschaftlich nichts zustande gebracht aber es war sehr befreiend, und ich fühlte mich viel besser. Versuch aus jeder Situation etwas positives zu ziehen, auch wenn es oft sehr schwer ist, denn ich denke das ist ziemlich das einzige das niemand auf der Welt für dich tun kann. OK?

    Ich schicke dir jetzt eine ganze Wolke voll positiver Gedanken, versuche sie zu erhaschen. (das ist jetzt kein Wortspiel auf Marijuana und Hasch) ;)
    Uebrigends meine Tochter will im Sommer nach Süd Korea in Urlaub kommen sie hat dein Hello Kitty Foto gesehen. (übrigens viele sehr sehr schöne Fotos) Ciao

    • Ich schätze deine Aufmerksamkeit und großartige Unterstützung. Ich fing an mich besser zu fühlen, nachdem ich deine Nachricht empfangen hatte. Und ich glaube, ich habe deine Wolke mit Positivität auch bereits erhascht, und das ohne bekifft zu sein!
      Ok, wir verschieben Englisch noch für einige Zeit. Aber keine Angst: jeder ‘Ass’ ist hier willkommen.
      Ja, du hast ja so recht: Hoffnung bringt auch Ungeduld und Zweifel mit sich. Nun, ich mache eine ziemlich gute Arbeit mit dem Zweifel, aber da ich durch alte Verletzungen pflüge, kommen auch weiterhin neue Themen herauf. Das ist also was gestern passiert ist, und es demaskierte einen negativen Glauben über mich. Ich habe dann mit meinem inneren Kind gesprochen, und es erklärt, daß es an sich gut ist. Und als ich heute Morgen aufwachte, fühlte ich mich sehr erheben. So scheint es wieder etwas wurde intern geklärt. Ein weiterer kleiner Schritt in die richtige Richtung.
      Also ja, ich versuche etwas Positives aus jeder Situation zu schaffen. Einer der Ärzte in der Klinik ist ein sehr lustiger Kerl. Er empfiehlt mir immer um positives Denken folgendermaßen zu üben: “Ich bin nett, ich bin groß!” Er sagt, egal wie du aussiehst, wenn du groß bist in Korea, bist du der Mann. (Ich bin 1,94 m, also etwas über dem Durchschnitt-Koreaner.)
      Deine Geschichte über die Physiotherapie hat mich zum Lachen gebracht! Und bitte gib meine herzlichen Grüße an deine Tochter. Falls ich noch hier bin, wenn sie kommt, werde ich ihr den Spielplatz gerne zeigen :-)

      • Hallo CCD,
        Dieses Wochenende ist Muttertag in Luxemburg, ich denke ich werde meiner Mamm ein tolles Geschenk machen und zwar eine glücklichere Tochter. Ich habe Kontakt aufgenommen mit der TS Clinic von Abi Brown, ich habe soviel Positives gelesen, sie scheint eine sehr aussergewöhnliche Frau zu sein. Ich werde versuchen den Long Distance Course zu belegen. Ein Ameisenschritt für die Menschheit aber ein riesen Schritt für mich.

          • Ja, ich bin schon sehr gespannt. Abi hat schon geantwortet, sie muss noch mal zur Post.
            Noch einen kleinen Anschubser an dein inneres Kind. Sehr interessante videos immer wieder, auch zum Abschalten: : Marillion childhood’s End und Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb. Wünsche schönen Sonntag.

          • Wow, Comfortably Numb ist wirklich heftig… Mein inneres Kind erkennt schon etwas drin.
            Wie war es auf der Schule?
            Auch schönen Sonntag gewünscht!

  4. Ja comfortably numb ist heftig, so wie viele Ausschnitte aus The Wall. In der Schule hat es gut geklappt, alle waren so stolz auf die bambinis…. und auf den mini Kindergartenstühlen sahen wir sowieso alle sch…. ( und sch…. steht jetzt endlich mal nicht für schief ;) ). War schön, wieder mal ein positives Erlebnis, ein kleiner positiver Funken an meinem Himmel, wird immer heller.

    • Es freut mich das zu hören!!! Das ist wirklich gut. Und du meldest dich hier auch immer häufiger. Super.
      Ich wünsche dir einen sch… Abend!

  5. It was a fascinating reading! I’ve been a big believer of “the mind rules the body” or “Most illness is psychosomatic in origin” for many years and I thought I’ve taken care of my health (physical and mental) well, so when I found myself as CD, I was actually embarrassed about myself. It is interesting how specifically Richard Rybicki explains in “Body Symbolism” for each body part – it was insightful and helpful to evaluate about my life about the mind-body connection, and I was able to relate for some of them – past and current. As you mentioned, not all CD are alike. I don’t have a childhood trauma, but I may in the midst of a trauma and freeze response right now (if this can call that way) since I’m stuck with my career and unable to change the situation right away so I have to fake myself to some extent in order to cope with it at work, which is unhealthy. Outside of it, I usually express emotions and angers. And the sensory trick no longer rarely work for me. I agree that traumas and suppressed angers can lead to tendencies of perfectionism, workaholism, structurizing, etc.
    As for the neck, which was explained as a sign of low self-esteem, for my case I combine that with the ideas from books about the posture – the head jotting forward is the result of 1) the life style that is always in a rush and the body is streamlined for speed; 2) habitual use of body to stare at the computer screen for hours daily – these concepts fit me perfectly. The first idea also can be related to the Rybicki’s concept since it says that a motive of the muscle impairment and uncontrolled movements are to slow down movement in our life. I’m also interested in reading the Peter Levine’s book to learn about SE. I’m interested in how you went through with SE, if you get a chance to post about it. Look forward to your next post!

    • Nice to hear from you again! I almost thought you had given up on us.

      Good to know that you recognize things in the story. Be careful though: many people with childhood trauma completely deny it, and/or actually don’t know anything about it. This is repression, which often happens after trauma as a coping mechanism.
      The funny thing is that I expected to get a lot of feedback on the section Perspectives, especially because thousands of people have read it by now! I guess that most people don’t want to know this. Even though they see the ‘proof’ in front of their eyes, it is too confronting, too painful …
      So we continue to live in our heads: we rationalize everyting, disconnected from our bodies and emotions.

      SE helps to remove the freeze-response energy without having to revisit or remember the trauma. You body remembers it and will show where it is. It takes some time to tap into your bodily sensations, but it can be done. I have been very busy the past two weeks and didn’t write much, but I will soon post something new.

      Last question to you: you may have seen a discussion on this blog about shallow breathing. Do you also have shallow, insufficient breathing?

      Take care and stay tuned!

      • How can I given up on this blog ;) I added in my evening routine the STRC exercises and bodo for a half-hour or so and that left me with little time.
        Yes, it’s a heavy subject – I actually read this several times and took several days to think and analyze about it, including a childhood trauma. At first, I was intrigued and in part assimilated into my situation, but gradually I also felt like negative autosuggestion as I read this. So this may not a present subject to face for some people, and there are individual differences in causes of CD as well. Mine may or may not be related to meningitis I had almost 20 years ago. MRI and blood tests I had two months ago don’t show anything abnormal (it was a fascinating experience to see my own brain image!) but the doctor still can’t tell if it’s related or not.
        Based on “Body Symbolism” I started a fun exercise for positive autosuggestion by replacing some words to positive words. For example, “Flexible muscles help release emotions and intuitions, thus activating our true feelings out of awareness – open up how much we can love ourselves, which definitely enhance true personal power. Sound muscles represents a belief in strength, an immense power, or a willingness to be, self-reliant. Positive conditions in muscle can indicate a desire to move forward and a hope for the future.” I would read this over again and see how it works!
        As for shallow breathing, I think it’s a universal problem for most people. Eckhart Tolle mentioned, “Many people’s breath is unnaturally shallow. The more you are aware of the breath, the more its natural depth will reestablish itself” (A New Earth). I often notice my shallow breathing (or almost holding my breath) when I’m into something like reading and working on a computer, when I’m nervous or angry, etc. and I try to breathe deeper whenever I’m aware of it. I’ve exercised on deep breathing for years through yoga and also the AT – yoga instructors remind us over and over again to breathe. A yoga teacher also used to tell us during the meditation time at the end of the class, “Think of nothing, but feel everything.” Indeed we live too much in our head. Cheers!

        • I understand you’re busy!

          Childhood trauma won’t be remembered if it happened before the age of 3. And if it happened after that, there are also chances that the trauma is “forgotten”. Actually, up to 60% doesn’t remember it! See: http://www.istss.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Publications/ChildhoodTrauma/ChildhoodTraumaRemembered.pdf
          But I will stop about this subject now.

          Yeah, I have also done the tests, and was fascinated by the MRI scan. Not something you see every day.

          I really like what you did with the body symbolism. It makes a lot of sense! That also confirms the universal truth in those words, I guess.

          Shallow breathing is an issue for many people, I agree. But in the case of trauma-induced chronic illness, it is bound to be there… I am just starting to work with guided breathing exercises. Let’s see if it helps.

          Keep up the good work and stay in touch!

          Best regards from Cheonan, where I am going through a hard time (again). ;-)

  6. Buongiorno, Come stai?

    With my Mc Gyver temporo-mandibular and pelvic balancing methods I feel improvement I have nearly no pain for the moment. Deviation is complicated for me to estimate, because in the second when I think aboute it, it changes… and on the top of my hills where I feel free the cows don’t say their opinion. Yet I have the feeling they think “she is nuts” when they look at me when I’am jumping at the trampolin in the back yarde. (they stop eating, raise their head (they have no problem to do this, grrrrrrr) and they fixe me for 2 minutes, then they go back to their favorite occupation, eating grass). And my children I don’t want to ask. When they speak to me and I don’t answer immediatly they yet say “oh you have again something in your mouth”
    yesterday morning I woke up and I had a luxation of the third phalange from my right little finger??? It was completely deviated and painfull. I can not explain what happened. I hadn’t got time to go to a doctor so I reduced it myself (that wasn’t very funny, autsch) I thougt back that you also wrote something about your finger. But this time even I see no connection.

    But also something very very exciting happened, I got post from Santa Fee. I tried to stay calm, not to hurrie. I put the envelop in my kitchen and told me “you will just open it tomorrow” But after 8 hours I could not longer wait. ( I told myslef that in another part of the world it is yet tomorrow, so there is no problem ;) ) I am sure the exercices and relaxation will give me very much.

    I really hope that people who read this blog, people who feel pain, feel very small, helpless, depressed or very very angry. People who don’t feel strong enough to participate, or which think that they have nothing interesting to tell, to write down, to share… I hope that they just have the possibility to see on the blog that it is possible to continue life, to have good moments, that we can stay positif; that we have the possibility to help ourselves…. Everyday has to be lived, every moment, because they will never come back. (and I especially make efforts to write in english (with millions of faults ;) but I do)

    “Es gibt so viele Leute, die Dir sagen . “das geht nicht”
    Dreh Dich um und sage ihnen “schau mir zu” ”

    (so many people tell you “that’s impossible”
    turn around and tell them “just look at me doing” )

    have a nice day

    • Grazie, molto bene!!

      It was Dr. Lee’s birthday today, and he took about 10 of his doctor students and me to a very nice restaurant. See http://www.dmaris.co.kr. Any type of food is available there. Delicious! I have even drank some wine. I thoroughly enjoyed it. After that, Dr. Lee took me to the saxophone house where his younger brother is host and the main sax player. His brother plays very, very well, and it was a nice experience for me to be there and listen to the music from my relaxed seat.

      Funny cows you have! And is your finger OK now? I do not recall having a problem with my finger, but who knows. I have had so many strange symptoms…

      And yes, you are right, everyone is welcome here with his or her story! Thanks a lot to you for writing in English (I understand 100% of it) and thus sharing with more people!

      • Bonjour,

        super restaurant, j’aimerai bien réserver une table pour ce samedi ;). Must have been a very positiv experience for you. And the wine…;) even the words “from my relaxed seat” sounds like music in my ears .

        I have yet seen around 15000 patients, but even now there are still patients which can surprise me. yesterday that happened again; a very kindly woman with a 2.5 year old gerbillo. (that is not very young would I say as a polite, respectfull doctor). And what was this patient’s problem…?????? Yes a tortecolis! The owner was really very concerned. So we cheked what we could; the patient can drink, can eat, can walk, can nearly do everything except running in his gerbillo wheel, he showed no sign of pain. A closer examination was difficult, because it would have represented too much stress for him, and too much pain for my tender fingers, (because he has very very good teeth). I told the woman that I feel with her little gerbillo, and she was happy to hear it.
        Eh oui, rien n’est impossible; bonne journée.

        • Ouais, je m’y suis vraiment éclaté, même si j’avais quelques symptômes…

          I am surprised about your story of the gerbil. It is well known that rabbits get torticollis after having an ear infection. I suppose you have seen several of such rabbits, no? Or are the rabbits in Luxemburg different? ;-)

          • Hello,
            indeed, we have very special rabbits here in Luxembourg, short tail and two long ears ;) Yes they often has tortecolis when ear infection. The intern part of the ear has an important rule in the balance (équilibre) (but I am sure you know exactly how that works;)) . Normally I can heal them, when owners come early enough to me. When they wait to long their can be parts of the intern ear which are destructed and then it’s difficult to help these animals. They often have such a severe tortecolis that they have problems to drink at the nipple bottle, and they have problems with bad eyeinfections, on the side which touches the ground.
            The gerbillo was another problem, I guess he has a braintumor :(
            Today is our “Fête national”, yesterday I went to the “Tedeum”, I went to the firework and even has been through the crowd to order food with my kids (always afraid to loose one in a crowded place). And it all worked very good (a possible explication is perhapse that my husbands sister, an hour before the fire work drank with me a bottle of champagne. (I have not yet started the STRC, so I profite, and I felt GOOD ;) )
            (hmmm for the moment they play the “sonnerie nationale” on the radio, I like it)

            Is there still anybody left in the Netherlands? I have the feeling they all are here in Luxembourg for the moment ;)

            Et enfin il y a un peu de soleil pour caresser nos douces collines vertes. (le français est quand-même une bien belle langue;)

          • Interesting phenomenon that mainstream medicine hasn’t really investigated the connection CD – jaws – ears…

            Happy to hear that you are enjoying sunshine, festivities, booze, and Dutchmen! That’s the best combination you can have.

            À fond la caisse!

          • Somehow I feel like I’m missing out, here in the “New Country.”

  7. Hello CCD,
    you wrote several times about connection between ears and jaws. I do not remember if that were questions (is there a connection?) or a suggestion.
    So if I don’t know if you were asking or not I just answer . There is surely a connection. A friend of mine had an ear infection after getting home from hospital (hospital are dangerous places ;) and she had really big problems to open her mouth.
    I also often have mild middle ear infection and often even before I feel pain in my ear I feel cracking in the jaws. The same thing happened to my mother last month she told me that her jaws make sounds and that she feel pain while eating; I gave her (Ohrtropfen) and the pain went away and the cracking also.
    But that is a normal anatomic , physiologic and pathologic phenomen.
    I’m happy to read that you feel lots of energy. You are on the wright way.

    • Thanks for your feedback and for confirming the link between the jaw and the ear! What I meant actually, is the connection between ears and jaws on the one hand, and CD on the other hand. It is clear that many CDers have had issues with ear infections during their lives (including you and me). But is seems that the connection has never been researched, which is a pity!
      Have you started with your exercises? Or still suffering from the piano?
      And what about your TMJ experiments?

  8. Very, very interesting. There’s definitely something about the “freeze”. I had a car accident at varsity about 20 years ago and, although I wasn’t physically hurt I went into complete freeze mode. About 15 years later I stubbed my toe while out and lost my eyesight (went completely black) for about 20 minutes. I was at a bus stop and quietly sat on the wall and tried to look normal until I could see again. About 5 years after that I had a bicycle accident in which I fractured my left shoulder (the side I turn to). As soon as the accident happened I went into *complete* lockdown and literally froze my body. I didn’t move a single muscle in the hour before the ambulance arrived. Thereafter for months I could barely lift my left arm a centimetre from the side of my body. I have swallowed a lot of emotions in my life, but no childhood trauma that I can remember, although it’s strange that at 42 and happily married I do not want to have children (probably due to fear of lack of control!). There is also definitely a lot of anger towards a friend (female – and I look to the left!) attached to the bike accident and from her continually ‘drama dumping’ her endless problems on me – and me putting up with it and swallowing more & more. Definitely not a good trait of mine. Anyway, everything above resonated with me (I have forward head posture too). I need to re-read it and read the book. Thanks you so much for the wonderful job you’re doing with all your research and positivity. It’s so good to hear of someone who is FIGHTING not just taking it. I am fighting too!!!

    By the way, the books “Wishes Fulfilled” by Wayne Dyer and “Zero Limits” by Joe Vitale have had such a significant effect on my state of mind – I felt so peaceful and calm and so much more in control during and after reading them. I’ve had CD for about 2.5 years and have been on a serious mission to work on myself/ personality the last year and a half. I needed to find ways to help me cope and needed something to believe in. To me your article proves that it does stem from our personalities and before that trauma. Something else that also had a significant positive effect was watching videos on Anita Murjani. Google her and watch some of the interviews with her. Her story is incredible and her message so simple. We need to all accept ourselves and be who we are. Please keep us updated.

    Take care

    • I am glad that this blog is helpful to you! Your story is consistent with childhood trauma, a freeze response leading to accumulated trauma, resulting in more physical trauma later in your life. It has been researched that about 60% of people with childhood trauma doesn’t remember it. Anger is always part of the trauma. And the problem is that this anger is mostly directed at ourselves. (You actually did that by criticising yourself, talking about your bad traits.) This needs to stop. Be gentle toward yourself. Understand yourself, love yourself. The story of Anita Moorjani confirms that. Fight, but fight for yourself, not against part of yourself. That also means: stop trying to be in control (even though that makes you feel good, as you write in your above message), as it will perpetuate the freeze response.
      Thanks a lot for your ample thoughts and stay tuned!

  9. this sectionis very interesting. i can say that i never thought that i had any specific trauma, except ones concerning growing up with my mom who was manic depressive.
    so there is a lot there, especially as i lived only with her, no brothers or sisters or cousins, or even father. it took me a while to realise there were a lot of things there that were not as they should be, since i was so used to it, this was my only reality, and i had to absorb it all alone, without any help form the outside, no one even knowing what i was going through.
    my dad is schizophrenic and my mom was married to him 9 years before she became pregnant with me, and as soon as i was born she divorced him. a devout catholic, this is not something she did lightly. she never told me the whole story, except she said that he had slapped her in the face once, and with a newborn baby she didn’t want to take any chances. i believed that story all my life, and to this day am very proud of my mom for having the courage to leave and bring me up alone. way to go mom – thank you!! but recently i have to come to believe that there was much more trauma related there, either when my mom was pregnant or when i was very, very young, still a newborn. i never remembered anything of course, but there are a lot of signs. like not being able to have any kind of sexual relationship, fear of people, hating authority. these are long term symptoms. but also i have found myself in a spasm attack, crying my eyes out, in absolute fear, hiding behind a wall. i feel the emotion, but i have no real memory of the incident itself, only the fear and pain.
    i am not writing this to feel sorry for myself, only to share. to be open and honest also with myself, and maybe we can all take courage in each others words and experiences. i am trying to find various ways to release these traumas, but they are very painful, emotionally as well as physically ,so its not easy. so i am doing it a little bit at a time, i would like to find a more supportive environment to do this in, as up till now i have been very alone. except for a few very good friends. but there is so much that a friend can do. i feel like i need a proffessional. so i am looking for one. i needed to accept that this is a real possibility for me to even look for help, since for a long time, i thought that i could do it all myself. its hard for me to trust anyone, so it was easier to do it myself, but i think i am working through this too slowly. thanks for your listening ears, lets share our stories :). we are not alone

    • Hi Mary,

      It is brave of you to face the fact that you must be severely traumatized. When I read your story, I think you must be indeed. Under such circumstances, it is almost impossible for a vulnerable child to escape trauma. Thanks for sharing your story. Without going into detail, I can tell you that my story is similar. And ALL visitors of this blog have confirmed that they have suffered (severe) childhood trauma. Even the few people who initially tried to deny it, later confirmed that they got convinced about having suffered childhood trauma after all. So right, we are not alone.
      And we all have MBTI personality INTJ, which makes us deal with the trauma in a very specific way, ultimately developing CD.

      As for trauma resolution, I think we should let the body speak. I am quite sure that conventional psychoanalysis doesn’t help much. Actually, it can be very counterproductive, because during analysis we tend to verbally confirm, over and over again, our hurt. This reinforces the trauma instead of resolving it. When we let the body speak (somatic experiencing, brainspotting, TRE, rebirthing/holotropic breath, shaking medicine, presence process, etc. etc.), the body will release the stuck survival energy and heal itself. It is good to do this with a trusted guide/therapist, as it makes us feel safer. And yes, if it is too painful to do it all at once, do it step by step. Your body (i.e., you) has this wisdom, it will guide you in the process and will never take steps that are too big.

      Take care,

      CCD

  10. Hi everyone who wish to cure – I wanted to share a quote:

    “If a person is focused on illness then they are inadvertently attracting more illness to them. On the other hand, if a person focuses more on health than illness, then the law of attraction must obey and produce health. The principles of the law of attraction are a powerful tool to summon the healing power within us”
    from The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

    In short, think at least 51% about health than illness to make the law of attraction to work. Easy, hah? I know it’s easier said than done but we all should keep trying!

    • Hi Dolphin, totally agree! But please don’t keep trying. Just do it! Trying means, by definition, that you won’t be able to achieve the result. Trying is a setup for failure…. Take care! CCD

  11. I have removed the chat function from the blog, as it didn’t work as expected. One of the comments that was left in the chat room, by Delphinus, was remarkable, and I leave a copy of it here:

    Hi, I was diagnosed with CD 13 years ago, I couldn’t drive at first and at times couldn’t walk in a straight line without bumping in to door ways and people. I felt very sad that something like this could have happened to me. In my childhood I suffered years of abuse but never told a soul. I was very frightened as a teenager and suffered much depression without asking for help. As soon as I was diagnosed I felt a burning desire to find a cure. I started studying the science of metaphysics, the relationship between emotional and physical, I then re-visited and re-lived all my childhood truma and changed the memory banks that reside deep with my physical body. I taught myself hypnosis, opened up and cleansed all the chakras, taught myself meditation to very high standard (yogis) and forgave every person that I perceived to have caused me pain. took responsibility for my own pain and took back my self esteem and self respect. After several years of daily self healing and meditation my dystonia has reduced by about 80%. I am so close to reaching 100% cure. I totally believe that our body speaks our minds and if we listen and connect with our inner/higher self we can achieve amazing healing on an emotional and physical level (the emotional healing has to come first) For me great suffering enabled me to unlock a great person and fulfill my hearts desire by being true to myself.

  12. Hi you all!

    I discovered this blog just today. It’s amazing! Hopefully I get connected with you whoever wrote this and all you who already shared your stories.
    Almost 2 months ago I was diagnosed with dystonia. So this is a fresh thing for me that I am processing. I started contemporary dance studies 3 years ago. I moved to another country and had adventures beginning. I got to know my body and who I am.
    I have felt that there is something that happened to me in childhood that is blocking in some way to reach my full potential. As a dancer I need to trust my body completely. It has been a struggle to understand myself. I have been blessed with time. Now my writing doesn’t have a clear structure.
    I have discovered that I have a hard time of being alone. I also want to control a lot. I have learned to trust myself completely. I have been in a big search to understand why body is doing some movements that I don’t control.
    Just this week I understood that the tensions my dystonia creates, creates different emotions in my body. I see that I am at peace with myself but the body and mind are releasing some emotions that I don’t feel in the moment.
    Some how I am done analyzing everything.
    This has taught me to live my life fully in every moment. Fill everyday with my presence. Trusting in my body and God. Not to worry about things. Have an open mind to discover the wonders of life! Thank you for this blog! Helped me to understand the complexity of our body and mind and soul. Helps me to connect the dots.
    Hope to hear from you soon!
    -Joy

    • Hi Joy,

      Thanks for your comments; glad to know that my blog is of some help!

      When reading your story, I get the impression that you are (were?) very much governed by your ego – as we all are, by the way. You think (or thought?) that your ego IS you. However, there is much more to our being/consciousness than just the ego. The ego’s purpose is merely to navigate the physical world. The body gives messages from parts of our being other than the ego. Your ego wants to be able to trust your body. But the real YOU, i.e., your total being/consciousness, wants your ego to understand that it needs to calm down (by signaling via the body), that it can’t control everything, that it isn’t in charge. That is the key.

      Let me know which dots you want to connect. I will try to support.

      Kind regards,

      CCD

      • Hey!
        You analyzed very well my text ;) I thought I WAS my ego. What you wrote is well said.
        I am finding what is my dystonia. Searching in the web to find the direction where look for information.
        My symptoms are located in my right rib and sternum and neck more on the right side. Eyes and jaw. Sometimes my legs as well. My symptoms relate to myoclonus-dystonia ’cause caffein and alcohol make it worse. Specially head and neck go crazy. Could I be in the right track? I know you are not a doctor but maybe you have some knowledge.
        My neurology is in on holiday now for one week more and my questions are in my head. Waiting patiently to understand more.

        • Hi Joy,

          I am not sure what you are asking me. Could you please elaborate? Is it your specific medical diagnosis you are wondering about? If so, why is that important to you? And what exactly do you want to “understand more”?

          Kind regards,
          CCD

  13. It is a miracle I have found this sight, it is so insightful. I am blessed to see the similarities in my beliefs in this disease. I had some weird things happen to me thru the years. Once when I was 18 years old I was at a bar with friends. I meet a man and we walked outside and sat across the street from the bar in a cemetery and talked, the man started to kiss me and I freaked on him, he wasn’t going any further and didn’t understand why I reacted so badly. Another incident happened when I was driving in my car. I was coming to a stop light and a car was next to me and several men started to whistle and carry on, I got so frightened and my head whipped over to the right. They weren’t threatening (like opening the door etc.) but my reaction my body made along with the previous incident I mentioned makes me wonder why my body reacted so strongly with both incidents. I intuitively think it goes deeper and further back that created the same type of incidents that made my body go into the freeze method you mentioned. Maybe my body was giving me glimpse of what might of happened. Can you tell me what part of this blog goes thru details or suggestions of how to release the original trauma without reliving it? Also does anybody else tremor badly when you have your eyes closed like during a meditation with other people? Just wondering what my body is trying to tell me,. Interesting things are bodies are, now we just have to figure out what they are saying. Thanks for creating this blog and giving me hope that I am not alone.

    Peace to you!

    Mary

  14. Is it possible to cure yourself if you cannot remember the trama? I genuinely don’t think I experienced any sexual abuse but instead mine was more emotional abuse. My mother had been molested as a child so she had huge hangups about relationships and sex which I grew up hearing lots of strange thoughts on these subjects. My mother was very over bearing and it was either her way or the highway and I was made to feel stupid and like my opinion didn’t matter. Saying this, I don’t remember much at all about my childhood to the age of about 9 when we moved to a different city. I first noticed my neck spasm when looking to the left when I made a conscious decision I was going to act differently than my mother and again at a later date when I had to tell my parents I was going to stop playing a sport I had gone along with playing all my life. So in reference to acting differently than my mother, if I felt anxious on the inside, I would act cool as a cucumber on the outside. My neck has a tendency to pull to the right so my question is, is it important to identify the problem or will the problem work itself out in mind and body by doing my homework such as Abi’s stretches, meditation, and yoga?

    • Hi Charlotte,

      Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds very recognizable. Interesting how your neck started to act up at the very moment you made the decision to implement rigid control into your life (by pushing yourself to act differently than your mother).

      No, it’s not really necessary to remember the trauma mentally or to identify your problem. After a lifetime of living in your head, it would actually be better to put your ratio in the backseat for a while. (Having said that, it does contribute to healing to mentally grasp the root cause, but it’s not mandatory as a first step. Somewhere along the line, the mental realization will come automatically. Be careful not to try to heal yourself by rigid planning in phases. I tried that. But that is exactly the mechanism that made us ill.)

      Your body remembers the trauma very well and stored it (unfortunately). So all you have to do, is let your body release the trauma. Read about Somatic Experiencing. Or about The Presence Process. This requires stopping your train of thoughts, and starting to feel what’s inside, what’s blocking your stuck emotions. Abbie’s exercises won’t be appropriate for this, as they merely serve to bring physical balance back. And you can’t maintain that balance without actual release of the trauma. It will be helpful to do yoga and meditation, but I think it’s not enough. You will have to actively work on body-oriented trauma release. There are many ways. Read this blog and select what fits you most.

      Let me know if that makes sense.

      CCD

      • Cdd, I don’t remember a trauma either, but I do remember alot of fear when I was a child, It seems like it started at birth. I was a twin and born 6 weeks early, so I imagine alot of the fear my mother experienced during labor and afterwards transferred to both myself and my twin. Back in the 50’s my brother and I were put in incubators separated from each other and our mother. This too probably manifested into more fear. It seems like I have been afraid for a long time and have tried to figure out where it has come from. I have done everything from past life regression to breath work and journeys to try to bring things up to be released. I don’t know if things are not coming to me because of the fear that I think it will create more trauma? I have enjoyed your blog and see you have suggested the presence process, I looked it up and saw a book called that on amazon by Michael Brown. (The Presence Process: A Journey into Present Moment Awareness by Michael Brown). Is this the process you mentioned? Also the Somatic Experience sounds interesting but haven’t found a practitioner that is close to me. I guess intuitively when the trauma wants to come up it will, (do I have to learn something more from this disease is why things aren’t coming up). I guess I can “what if” myself to death on that one. Interesting how I vacillate between needed to know and just letting it all go and just accepting what is)? But life is a journey and we each have our own path to experience. So blessings to us on our journeys.

        Peace,

        Mary

        • Hi Mary,

          I guess your trauma started at birth indeed. And being put in an incubator is very very very traumatic for a baby, who needs to be with his mother all the time. An incubator is worse than death for a baby. So I think it’s safe to say that you have identified the roots of your trauma. And continuous fear is just a consequence(!) of trauma.

          Yes, that is the Presence Process I talked about. It’s highly recommendable. Buy the book and do the process. It will bring you something. I did it once and will do it again several times in the near future.

          Mmm, I do not think that the trauma will come up when it wants to. The trauma wants to come up always. It’s us and our egos and rigid coping mechanisms that prevent to trauma from being resolved. So this requires some active approach. After a lifetime of suppression, I doubt that the trauma will be spontaneously resolved.

          Yes, I can understand the question you are asking yourself. Do we need to learn from this disease? But you have to understand that this is a mental thing. It’s your ratio that is asking this question, trying to mentally understand what’s going on. And it’s exactly that state (of mind) that you have to let go! The presence process will show you that present-moment awareness allows us to put the ego in the backseat and just experience what presents itself from within. At that moment, the trauma will come up, because it has been wanting to present itself for a long long time.

          Don’t wait to see what will happen. Read the book and get going. Or take another active approach. Promise yourself that you will resolve your trauma in order to heal yourself. And then just do it. Don’t wait. That’s my recommendation.

          Take care.

          CCD.

          • Thanks Ccd, for your reply, I got the book the Presence process today, so I will be checking this out! One moment at the time!

            Peace,

            Mary

        • Thats funny. I am also called mary. I just waanted to relate to your story. I was also put in an incubator. I also feel like i hve a lot of emtions transferred from my mom while she was pregnant. When i asked her about it. She said some interesting things.one is that she had a lot of anger while she was pregnant. She also recieved electro shock treatment for depression. This might explain some of the shaking mvements i experience

          • I do believe about the transfer of energy from mother to child, thanks for sharing your story. My mother isn’t alive but I can only imagine the fear she had when she went into labor early. I am sure it both impacted both myself and my twin brother.

      • Thank you Leeann for the links.

        CCD, should the Presence process and Somatic Experience be done separately? I presume you are meaning to look at each one separately and see what suits or do you recommend one over the other?

        • Hi Charlotte,

          That’s for you to decide. You can pick one or the other or do them simultaneously or sequentially. Or you can decide to do something else completely. The main thing is that you decide to resolve your trauma. Then just look what works best for you. Personally, I recommend a body-oriented trauma therapy, as I don’t believe much in talk therapy. Talk therapy often just reinforces the trauma and the associated negativity by talking about and thus (via the law of attraction) confirming it and attracting it into your life over and over again. Just let the body speak for itself so that it can release whatever is stuck.

          You know, it’s very typical that you ask me how to do it. Due to the trauma, we have disconnected from (the pain in) our bodies. So we don’t listen to the body anymore. Therefore, we don’t know what’s good for it anymore. But someone else cannot tell you what is good for you! The trick is that you re-learn what is good for you and select that.

          So the only generic things I can say are: make the decision to resolve your trauma, do it by reconnecting with your body, take it as it comes without expectations, and love yourself unconditionally without making judgements. The rest is entirely up to you.

          Does that make sense?

          CCD

          • CCD,

            I have absolutely decided to resolve my trauma. I do keep having thoughts about, what happens if I cant discover the trauma, or what happens this or that…but I suppose it’s important to stop and listen to my body. There is a little fear involved in finding the trauma, yet strangely a little comfort in remaining how I am – but I don’t like the physical manifestations the trauma has caused as I feel I am much stronger than how I feel I am perceived. Yet on the flip side I know others perceive me as very strong which is different than how I feel I am perceived. I am sorry if this all sounds very strange but makes sense to me – probably goes back to the conscious decision to be different than my mother.

            That is very true you say about loving myself unconditionally as I find it hard for example when I meditate – when my neck muscles tighten or I get a muscle spasm to not get frustrated with myself for not being able to sit perfectly still.

            I have ordered the healing codes book, the presence process book and am also looking into somatic experience. I am determined to resolve this trauma, and trying not to “control” the recovery.

          • Hi Charlotte,

            Alright, good to hear all this.

            As for what others perceive you to be, isn’t that completely irrelevant? Other people see the world as a mirror reflection of what is going on inside them. So what they perceive about you, really doesn’t say much about you. Again: the trick is not to rely on others, but on yourself. Listen to yourself, listen to your own body, to your own spirit (and try to ditch the ego :-) ). Know yourself. If you feel strong, then that is what you are. Period.

            Good luck and keep us posted.

            CCD.

    • I really relate to doing exactly the opposite of your parents. Both my parents have mental ilnesses and i promised myself that i wouldn’t develop one myself. I thought icould fight it through control of mind but i just stored all the crazy emotions inmy body instead. Since i am lso interested in undertanding scizophrnia now, i hve also done a lot of research about it, especially alternative ways of undrstnding and treating it. I have come to undrstand that it is also mostly caused by trauma. It is not just a strange neurological disease that docors don’t really understand why the symptoms occur. No there is a real reason for emotins such as paranoi. Even hearing voices can be seen as a kind of dissasocition tht comes to tell us stuff in any way it can. So being able to see any disease or any thing as a blessing and a way to grow and love and compassion and ability to heal others through our own healing. I am inspired to heal so tht i cn show it can be done. To inspre.my tai chi master has brain cancer for ovrer ten years and he heals himself slowly through tai chi and confronting himself. Confronting yourself is so hrd. Taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions. He definitely inspires me. I just think of him going through what he is going through and i feel stronger.

  15. CCD,

    You wrote earlier about cleansing your chakra’s. Did you do this alongside additional meditation? I have heard you should work 1 month on each chakra for complete cleansing – is this correct?

    • Hi Charlotte,

      Again: don’t rely on others, but on yourself. If the idea of cleansing your chakras appeals to you more than anything else, then why not start with that? Just do what feels right for you, not what others prescribe. And if 1 day per chakra feels like enough for you, then that’s fine. If you feel you need one year for one particular chakra, then that’s it for you.

      Take care,

      CCD

  16. Hi again,

    I have read through most of this blog, including replies from others and your response. I saved the perspective page for last… I guess mostly because I am methodical and do most things in order. I haven’t read the documents page yet. I have recognized myself in a lot of what I have read….

    I started reading this page and have not read even half of it and just got emotionally upset. Literally crying and shaking and not being able to regain my composure. I don’t know why I would have this reaction. I mean I am aware that I endured some trauma, some I remember. Some I don’t. So, I am confused by my emotional, sick resposne to this page.

    Anyway, I will have to take a break and regain myself before continuing. Then how to fix these things….

    L.

    • Well, I think your reaction simply shows how true (and painful) this description is for you. Even if you don’t mentally grasp all of it, you do know all of this on a deeper level. No need to be confused. It is only normal that you would feel sick, knowing how difficult your life has been…

      There is no fix. All people with CD initially want to “fix” themselves. That is not the way to go. Well, you can try of course, but it won’t do much good. Start loving yourself (again), be gentle with yourself instead of pushing yourself into some rigid direction (even in order to “heal/fix” yourself), reconnect with your body instead of constantly living in your head, release your blockages instead of repressing them. And prior to that, make the decision that you will heal yourself. The how-to will come later.

  17. I am feeling better today. I thought I would try and share some of my story with CD. I always had a tremor as long as I can remember. But, when I was younger it was in my hands or during extreme stress my whole body would tremor. I know I did encounter some incidents of trauma when I was under the age of 4. I am just not sure what they are. I’ve been told some things but of course I don’t remember. I’ve been told locked in a closet and left there. I know I ran into a glass coffee table and cut my nose at the bridge open. Also, I was in an incubator… and never heard that was bad before until reading this blog. I will look into that more at another time. My mother also told me I had a babysitter that she thinks hurt me in the tub because I was afraid of water after the sitter. But honestly I love swimming and have no water fear that I can recall… so i don’t know. After the age of four my parents divorced, I went w/my father and lived a very unstable life… moving all the time, divorces… etc.

    Also, about 5 yrs ago my mother mentioned something about me passing out all the time after a fall… now I had to be under 4 because after that my parents divorced. But all my life I never heard that before…and she looked so horror stricken I couldn’t ask her for more details because I felt bad for her. But she said something to the order of when she chased me in the house I would pass out and that when she took me to the dr. they said because I had fallen on a hard wood floor and hit my head… now honestly that story makes no sense to me… why was she chasing me? etc… a million questions. But, at the time my mother was dying of lung cancer and the look on her face deteered me from probing further. I wish now I had.

    Always I had the tremor, if I was scared or startled my whole body would just shake. Also social anxiety with the same reaction… very nervous to meet new people. I never understood it. But, avoided those situations as much as possible. I still do as a matter of fact. I never know how to act or what to say… very akward.

    Later in life I married and more drama. Mental and physical abuse and constant stress and fear. It was 15 yrs like that, and the divorce was stressful and raising 3 kids alone, with no help and lots of fear. It was right after those days that I developed the head tremor and the pain in my neck. I was about 33 when diagnosed with CD. Many failed drugs later and of course the botox… and here I am.

    One thing different for me that I haven’t heard anyone else mention is at 19 I had bells’ palsy. It was only for a couple months but I always wonder if there is some corilation. Anyway, that is the whole thing in the “Reader’s Digest” condensed version. If I missed something feel free to ask.

    I am here trying to heal, like everyone else. I am saving for the ST clinic in New Mexico. I think that is the body part of mind, body and spirit… they all need to be healed. Thanks for your blog. L>

    • Hi Laura,

      Thanks for sharing your story. You have most definitely been severely traumatized when you were very young. And yes, that made you attract more and more misery in the course of your life, attracting situations and people producing the accumulated trauma.

      Don’t try to mentally understand what exactly happened. You already have a pretty good idea. So just accept that you are traumatized. Going to the ST clinic is good, but it is mostly for adding balance to the body. This will diminish the symptoms. But healing can only be done by resolving the trauma and that requires another route, as you have surely read on this blog.

      Take care of yourself, and stay in touch!

      CCD

  18. Dear writer,
    Your blog is a blessing. Are you still writing? I won’t describe my story here and now, but my experience has been strikingly similar to the one you write about. I’m currently on a path to recovery which involves many different things.

    • Hi RB,

      Thanks for your message. I am around, but not writing much at the moment. Quite busy with other things. CD isn’t so important to me anymore :-)

      Do let me know what kind of things you do on your path to recovery!

      CCD

      • Hi there, when you say CD isn’t so important anymore – is that because you have resolved your issues? If so, just curious how you have managed to heal yourself? I know you mentioned the clinic in S. Korea, somatic therapies, etc. Just wondering what worked for you? So far, I have not found Abbie’s program very helpful. I am more interested in the therapies you have discussed on this blog. Thanks

        • Hi Kate,

          Sorry for the very late reply, due to holiday! Yes, CD is mostly resolved for me. I have some residue left, but it’s not much and other people don’t notice it anymore. Everyone has a different way to heal themselves. But it is essential to do the following.
          1. Decide to heal yourself (with or without the help of others – understanding that others CANNOT heal you).
          2. Understand that you have created this condition by yourself and that it is just part of yourself, giving you a message. CD is your friend, that’s all.
          3. Reconnect with your body, stop living in your head. This will allow you to release the blockages/trauma from your body. (I can recommend Somatic Experiencing, Brain Spotting, The Presence Process, etc. Whichever method works best for you!)

          That’s all basically. There is no specific therapy that will work for all of us. Don’t ask others (or me) what is good for you, but reconnect with your body, so that you yourself will know what is good for you. Others cannot tell you that. This is essential in the healing process. So as long as you feel the need to ask others what is good for you, you know that you still haven’t reconnected with your body…

          Good luck!

          CCD

  19. Great work.
    Again, it leaves me with the impression that it is often mixing cause and effect, epiphenomen with causation.

    Through the way my CD was initiated (from one day to another following a very negligent dental treatmen) and from the fact that I can revert it by using orthodontic retainers that reproduce my occlusion when it worked and kept a balanced and stable jaw and atm, I have come to research CD as a bio-mechanical imbalance.

    What is clear is that the human mandible is a complex, double “class 3 lever”.

    Lever: is a movable bar that pivots on a fulcrum attached to a fixed point. The lever operates by applying forces at different distances from the fulcrum, or a pivot.

    Class 3: Effort in the middle: the resistance is on one side of the effort and the fulcrum is located on the other side, for example, a pair of tweezers or the human mandible.

    Double: the mandible is in reality two levers, joined at the tip of the chin, where the occlusal plane of the teeth constotute the resistance, with two fulcri (the condyles) and multiples pairs of muscles producing the effort.

    Complex: the fulcri (condyles) are not fixed but move in various directions and the axis joining them describes sinusoidal movements.

    If the dental occlusion (resistance of the lever) is unstable, the condyles (fulcri) will be unstable and loose harmonic movement (keeping on the same axis, at the same distance and with compensating torsion between them).

    As a result, the whole lever becomes unstable and dissipate the torsion uneven forces on the supporting structures where the muscles (effort) are attached (skull and upper cervical vertebrae).

    The result is torsion and twisting of the spine cord and subluxations and colapse of the skeletal structure.

    I can feel inmediatly when I wear the retainers that occludong my mouth with force creates even, balanced symmetrix and armonious forces. The lever is balanced and stable.

    I can feel and see my jaw move and my head changing position when I close my mouth with force on my naked natural unbalanced teeth.

    • Hi Marcello,

      Sorry for the late reply and thanks a lot for all your messages. Well, you are saying that you have come to see CD as a bio-mechanical imbalance.

      You may have noticed that I do not share this point of view. Yes, bringing balance to the physical body by therapy, orthotics, massage, nutrition, etc, all helps to diminish the symptoms. But it does not address the root cause of the problem: stuck survival energy in the body, due to trauma. So I recommend body-oriented trauma therapy to resolve the symptoms.

      We are living in a world that is still firmly based in the materialst paradigm: all things material are real, and consciousness is caused. This is called upward causation. However, I am convinced that it works the other way around: downward causation, i.e., primacy of consciousness. So it is through consciousness that we can truly resolve our issues, not through mechanical interventions. And for being more conscious, we need to stop living in our heads (thinking) and start reconnecting with the body.

      Please also see my post on this blog “Remission Revisited”.

      Let me know if you want to discuss more.

      CCD

  20. Thankyou dystonia and mental instability for taking me on an amazing spiritual experience. I might not have experienced such amazing things if you hadn ‘t shown me the way. Thank you god for giving me tthis gift, and help me use it to keep on heealing myself and others. Slowly my heart is awakening, opening up. It is often painful – both physically and emotionally, and it even comes with side effects some times. I literally shake and have crazy heavy breathing as a door is opened and i can feel the flow from my kidneys rejoin my heart. And i feel all the fear as it rises butthen when it finallygets there it is such a release, and then i can only laugh at myself for being so silly. I even thank god for getting my heart broken and thank you for the person who helped me have it broken.only then could i fully feel the pain, and work through it, release it. One layer at a time. Learning how to love the people i am angry at. Understanding their own pain. Making transformations. Listening to the lessons. Making changes. Strength and courage to all you love warriors. Thankyou for taking the journey, each on his own and together. Lets keep on sharing and growing togehter. Love. No fear of judgement. Thank you! I went down many deep black hloes and on the other side there is always beautiful light.

  21. I have recently started a blog about the treatment of my case of Cervical Dystonia and I think that the MR evidence, bio-mechanical research and analysis that I propose might be of your interest.

    I might have hit something worth pubblishing on scientific accademic papers and might be of interest and hope for people whoo are suffering from Cervical Dystonia like me.

    I would greatly appreaciate if you could review and comment on the theory and evidence that I present and the treatment that I propose and intend to experiment on myself. Any help and commentary is greatly appreciated.

    Thank you very much in advance for your interest.

    https://curedystonia.wordpress.com/

    Best Regards,

    • Hi Marcello,

      Thanks for the link. I appreciate the efforts you are making to explore and cure CD. However, your starting point is the materialist paradigm. Mine is not. Please also see my comments to you on May 20. The bottom line is that you cannot successfully experiment on yourself with a ‘mechanical’ treatment, because the cause of the issue isn’t mechanical, as it never is. It simply cannot be repaired on a material level. Only through enhanced consciousness, thus reconnecting to the body, can one achieve such a thing. In the process, mechanical/material interventions to restore physical balance can be helpful, but no more than that…

      Good luck!

      CCD

      • Thank you for your interest.
        By all means, please help me by reading, peer reviwwing and criticizing the content of my blog.
        I am trying to keep as scietific as possible in this research. If it is objective and well documented, this research project might help a lot of people cure or improve their CD.
        Please help me help you.
        And, ifmyou have any contact of an institution willing to fund this line of research…. it would add a lot of scientific accuracy and potentially be more helpful.

      • Thank you for your replay.
        My case of CD is definitely bio-mechanical. There is no doubt about it and plenty of evidence. Please check out this post in my blog where I explain and present evidence of how a negligent dental treatment brought about Dystonia in 24 hours and how I could eliminate all the symptoms by using orthodontic retainers that reproduced my occlusion before the negligent treatment.

        Our points of view are not opposite. They are complementary. To cure Dystonia you need to repair the biomechanical lever AND increase the connection and communication betqeen body and mind.

        The appliance that I use is registered every 2 weeks by listening to the body and tuning into it to find the best new position of the jaw that strrightens your back.

        Yoga and inner research increase propioception.
        They are a foundamental partnof the treatment.

        https://curedystonia.wordpress.com/2015/06/01/iatrogenic-damage-when-the-dentist-is-a-butcher/

    • This sounds and looks very interesting, Marcello. I’m particularly impressed by the succession of photo’s of the young man and how dramatically his entire posture changed over 7 months. I too have a very curved back. I also find that if I don’t do special neck and back exercises that my dystonia worsens. Maybe my jaw/bones in my cervical spine move slightly out of place. All the best with your endeavours. I would definitely like to keep up to date with your progress. Take care

      • http://wp.me/p5BXae-8R

        This is an update on the treatment protocol tgat I hqce developed to for ny case of CD. It is a DIY at home treatment. Many people hqve started using it.
        There are pictures and evidence that splint therapy is a key factor in the treatment of CD.

        If you brows to the resources section of the blog you will find almost 100 scientific research papers tgat relate cd with dentalnocclusion and treatment with splints.

        • Hi! Funny to see you on here! Its Michelle McManus (usually post on face book site Dystonia, TMJ and the connection – I’m being treatment by Dr Andre Hedger) I used this site many years ago when I was very bad with Dystonia so popping back on here to have a quick look:) then saw you x

  22. Hello,
    Just wanted to post an update on my “progress” as it’s been over a year now since I’ve posted anything. In the past year or so I have noticed a lot of improvement in terms of symptoms. My head no longer really *pulls* anymore, but the muscles in my neck and head feel extremely tight and stiff on the left side. But somehow I can manage with this much better than the pulling. I can even go out in public now without much problem and nobody would ever notice I have any issue. I do wear a light scarf a lot of the time though; this seems to help for some reason, even though it’s not really supporting anything!

    In terms of treatment, I’ve done virtually nothing except going for regular, vigorous hikes and walks with some occasional stretches. Regular physical activity like walking or just washing the car seems to help me the most. Sleeping in weird positions (like on my stomach with my head twisted) makes it worse.

    I have not changed my diet much. While I try to eat mostly vegetarian and organic, I have not really stopped with the gluten or sugar (although I eat these infrequently). I don’t think diet is the main culprit in my case, so much as structural issues (TMJ, scoliosis, twisted vertebrae) and ongoing bad posture habits. Yes, I am lazy.

    I don’t do regular stretching or yoga, but I find these help when I do them. I feel that if I were to commit to a regular program of stretching and yoga, I could probably come much closer to resolving the residual stiffness and lack of mobility which I still suffer. For example, I can’t really turn my head to the left because the sternocleidomastoid muscle on that side is shortened.

    Anyways, I do feel like I am making progress on some level. I no longer seem to suffer from the debilitating anxiety that has been holding me back for the past few years. I’ve also moved, which has probably helped as where I was living before had a lot of emotional triggers for me (just now realized this). Lately, I’m much more able to be direct and speak my mind, even to the point of intimidating when necessary. I used to be a very direct type of person until this started happening. So, I feel like whatever emotional issues were plaguing me are coming to some type of resolution?

    It’s definitely a psycho-spiritual condition combined with certain personality traits and a physical predisposition. While I am far from “cured” I do feel better. But the stiffness is an ongoing problem. It feels like constant, annoying irritation in my jaw (where the TMJ is). My intuition and reason tell me I should look into getting rid of gluten from my diet and doing a lot more stretching daily. I also probably need some serious body work to correct some of the persistent structural issues.

    But I can sit here at my desk and write this now without *too* much problem. My posture isn’t fantastic, but sitting at a desk beats working from a lying position all day.

    So, there is hope. While my progress is slow, it’s happening. I’m even planning on going hiking in Nepal next year. As CCD and others have mentioned, it’s important to do the “work” on yourself, and I’d also like to add, to love yourself and keep doing things you enjoy even if you’re not feeling 100%. It creates a momentum toward recovery.

  23. I just found this and am hoping it is still active. I am 37 and was diagnosed with CD about three months ago and was/am terrified. I am a college instructor and although on winter break right now, I have no idea how I am going to return and teach my classes when I can’t even look straight.

    I do remember a few traumas from my childhood and a few from my teens. I’ve already had one Botox injection but it didn’t really take. I’m also trying acupuncture but that is not resolving the issue either. I appreciate all the suggestions and resources posted throughout and am definitely going to give them a try.

  24. Hello

    I have d. Cervical five years ago, I have tried everything, acupuncture, osteopathy, neural therapy, chiropractic, splint that got me very much, cranial osteopathy is the best I’ve been, now I’m with biodescoding, I’m so tired that I feel like leaving , I work hard and the more I do, the worse I get. I’m very discouraged. The biodocodification therapist tells me that he has tried several people successfully, but I have already fallen into despair. They tell me not to manipulate the symptom, to let it be, to accept it and I do not know how to do it because it makes me very nervous.
    Thanks for listening, if anyone has any advice, please, I would greatly appreciate it.

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