The vacuum

Yesterday I saw a Parkinson´s patient who started to walk after a single treatment. The entire clinic applauded for the old man. Last week a young woman with rheumatoid arthritis entered the clinic. After one treatment she was crying tears of gratitude: with one treatment, her pain had almost gone, a sensation she hadn’t felt in 6 years.

This week Dr. Lee told me that I am recovering slightly quicker than the average CD patient. He assumes it’s because of my continued efforts to heal and to think positively. I am glad to hear that. Still, I am often confused about what healing means to me. It is one thing to understand what is needed for the healing, but confirming that it is actually happening is another.

In my view, the basis for healing is that we are all able to shape our own reality with our imagination and thoughts, or minds. This is a well-known concept propagated by spiritual traditions of all times. Now, science joins in with Consciousness Physics. Nothing is ‘real’, objectively. We can only experience the world, including ourselves, via our consciousness. What we perceive is always different from what lies behind it. The photons coming from a blue sky aren’t really blue. We just perceive the sky as blue. The material objects we experience as being solid, aren’t really solid. At the atomic level, matter consists of empty space mostly. And the small amount of matter that’s there, doesn’t really consist of well-defined particles, but rather wave functions, spread out, not localized. It’s like a big hologram. Our senses and brain translate our universe for us, allowing us to perceive it the way we are wired. It can be argued that consciousness is the most elementary entity in our world; not time, not space, not matter, not energy. Also, quantum physics has shown that there is no ‘objective’, independent material world. When we observe, i.e., experience something, we are influencing that something. It is impossible to be detached from that something. You could say that by experiencing, i.e., by using our consciousness, we are creating our world. For a matter of fact, we are interconnected with everything and everyone. Our consciousness is collective. That has been proven in several large-scale experiments. When a group of people in one part of the world has learned something, people at the other end of the world are able to learn the same thing within a fraction of the time. We are tapping into the collective consciousness ‘field’.

But enough about that. The bottom line is that, once you are really convinced that you will heal, you will. You will simply create your reality with your consciousness. You determine that you don’t need the symptoms anymore and replace them with healthy patterns. It really is a decision you make. Period.

Well, that’s the theory, it’s the ideal world. But human nature is stubborn. We have little sneaky voices telling us things we don’t want to hear, we have negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. And with those, we are also creating our realities – not always the most helpful ones however. Those thoughts and beliefs are acquired in the course of our lives. At times when we were vulnerable and hurt, when we couldn’t defend ourselves and blamed ourselves for the pain. We didn’t have those voices when we were infants. Addressing them is vital in any healing process.

I am trying to do that by first identifying the voices and understanding why they are there, in order to neutralize them. The next step is to access the suppressed anger and the stuck freeze-response energy from prior trauma. That will allow gradual release and acceptance and forgiveness. It will make room for flow and eliminate the need for control.
Freedom…

Now I feel far from free; I am still experiencing waves of symptoms. Today they feel like the symptoms I had during the worst episode of my illness. They are also consistent with those first symptoms, because since a few days the pain in my neck and shoulders is absent, just like in the outbreak phase one year ago. Dr. Lee confirms that these are good symptoms, as they are part of the healing process.

But I am pendulating between despair and hope, between cowardice and courage, between inertia and action, between freeze and feeling, between evil and love.

Anything could happen. I’m in a vacuum, keeping my fingers crossed.

141 thoughts on “The vacuum

  1. Ik heb mezelf als volger aangemeld, om snel op de hoogte te zijn van een nieuwe blog-entry van jou. Het werk super, ik heb je laatste verhaal meteen gelezen, terwijl er anders een fase vertraging van twee weken is.
    Ik zie islam, ofwel overgave/toewijding. Je bent 200% gefocust en timmert hard aan jouw weg. Ik ben onder de indruk wat je teweeg brengt: zoveel reacties op je blog, zoveel mensen die je hiermee indirect helpt. Dat is mooi en moet jou ook wel een goed gevoel geven.

    Maarruh, valt er nog wat te lachen daaro? Zijn er wel geestverwanten met wie je een goed gesprek kan voeren over kneuqfilms, aambeien en het oranje debacle?

    • Dank je! Er wordt inderdaad hard getimmerd, en niet alleen door mij. Het is inspirerend om de verhalen van anderen te lezen en ik krijg ook echt steun van ze. Dus ik heb zeker geen spijt van deze blog.
      Mijn Koreaans is nog niet goed genoeg voor een gesprek over kneuq of aambeien, maar ik heb hier zeker wel wat te lachen. Bijvoorbeeld als er iemand op de marteltafel ligt en even helemaal door de dokter wordt gekraakt. Dat gaat soms gepaard met een luid gejammer en keihard gelach van de overige aanwezigen! Of een klein jongetje dat bang is voor de dokter of ineens nodig naar de WC moet en hard de behandelkamer uit rent en de gang in verdwijnt, terwijl de dokter hem luid commandeert terug te komen…

  2. dear ccd,

    just to wish you much power getting out of your vacuum. with all the things you are doing i am pretty sure you will resolve this.

    what do you think about the theory cd is an mind card issue. test with animals shows if they are doing the same and the same movements they can get cd! they als have defect mind cards. this is also stress for the animals as they didnt the movements with freedeom..they had to…the way to resolve this is i think is to re-programming brain card with training movements again and again. also taking mental stress down…just be and heal..

    after 5 days training i am able walking the streets up and down without fingers in my face, this wasn´t thinkable last week..

    here we go, stay strong, and remember we both have seen healing is possible, lets do it step by step and give body and mind all the time is needed to resolve this devil inside us :-)

    cheers

    • Dear Myfight,

      Thank you very much for your warm support. I am really glad that you are doing so well in your program. It’s exciting! Congratulations on your results so far!!!

      As for your “mind card”, yes I think that’s the way it works. When you have trauma, there is an enormous amount of freeze-response energy in your body, that is unreleased. This causes a great imbalance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Also, it will cause loss of freedom, loss of flexibility and loss of balance in your body and your motion. As a result, more (physical) trauma will be accumulated, your posture will deteriorate, your motion patterns will deteriorate. And these things also happen to captured animals! Not to animals in the wild.
      (All of this can be read in the research of Dr. Scaer.)

      So yes, the story perfectly fits with my perceptions!

      Yes, we have seen that healing is possible. It’s also possible for us! And yes, you are so right: body and mind need to get all the time that is needed. Perhaps I am too much in a hurry. Trying to remove the pressure now. Feeling a bit better today ;-)

      Please keep on going the way you are and keep us informed!!!

    • Thanks a lot for your encouragements!!! Yes, I am hangning in there!

      I heard about the book, but didn’t have the chance/time to read it yet. But I will! And if you want, please already share some of the insights that it has provided you with!

  3. hi ccd,

    i am happy reading that you are feeling a bit better today and want to reduce internal pressure (thats one of the main keys i think)

    just a quick question: how do u reduce pelvic obliquity? it is a main factor during your therapy? i think its very important as it is a basic that the body is “right” in its fundament between legs and “overbody”. on this basics i think we can grow up learning the motoric movements as a child ;-)

    i am still pretty sure must be an issue with pelvic obliquity, (the whole body), inside pressure and at the end a mind card issue that has to be re-programmed with training movements (finding back to the middle)

    everything will be fine..just a matter of time..

    cheers from germany

    • Yes, please keep reminding me that it’s just a matter of time and that we need to let go of the internal pressure! ;-)

      As for pelvic distortion, indeed, it plays a very important role in Dr. Lee’s approach. Basically, he says that the entire cerebrospinal structure collapses. This includes:
      – TMJ
      – cervical vertebrae
      – thoracic and lumbar vertebrae
      – cranial bones
      – pelvis with sacrum

      It’s like a domino effect. Everyting is strongly interconnected. When there is just one part in the chain that starts to malfunction, the rest of the components will follow and collapse as well. And as you say, the pelvis is so important, since it provides a foundation for the legs and indeed supports the entire upper body.

      Dr. Lee resolves pelvic distortion on a pelvic balancing table. Please see my post “Another day in the clinic”, where I gave a description plus photograph.

      Liebe Grüße aus Südkorea!

  4. hello
    happy that you feel a bit better. Seeing what you see at the clinic will surely change youre life for ever.

    For the moment a lot of thoughts cross my head. I can’t get out of my mind the words: Y’a pas de suicide au Sahel, pas de psychiatre en plein désert, pas d’overdose à Kinshasa (J-J Goldman Petite fille) I ask myself if in places where people has to manage as big problems as war, torture, segregation, genocide, extrem poorness , famine, people whose questions are : will we find something to eat, where will we sleep, will we find our family again… In such parts of the world do distonies exists? Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want to say that our problems are not important… I yet had really a lot of (for me serious ) problems till now, and I think I could manage most of them (except this kind of s….. CD) In the “save” part of this world we have to face problems as ” anorexie, boulemie, depression, suicide, mobbing, agoraphobie, too much pressure, burn out, libido problems, unfertility……. dystonie”All that are problems, real problems when you have to live with, but a complet other level. Does dystonie exists in parts of the world where no hope exist…? I ask myself “do I create my own problems” once my first husband asked me “why (do you think)is everything for you harder as for the others? ….. or “all people divorce, why is it for you so difficult?” Perhapse I am the problem….

    • Yes, it is an experience not to forget!!! It won’t take long for me to become half Korean myself! I had a fascinating discussion today over lunch with a university professor (studying FCST at the clinic) about religion. Although Korea is of course a Buddhist country, it is filled with Christian churches. Interesting phenomenon inherited from the US…

      There is suicide all over the world. The same goes for dystonia. Those are human issues, so wherever humans are, these issues will be found… See for example:

      Suicide: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Self-inflicted_injuries_world_map_-_Death_-_WHO2004.svg
      Dystonia Kenya: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16619720
      Dystonia India: http://www.mendeley.com/research/community-survey-primary-dystonia-city-kolkata-india-1/
      Dystonia Pakistan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf-TviIq9vg

      But what you say has some truth in it for sure. It’s about different levels, as you say. There is Maslow’s Pyramid to explain your observation. In places where the most basic needs aren’t satisfied, people will tend to be busy with those needs mostly. They don’t have time nor money to address more complicated problems. So those problems are ignored and/or accepted, as long as the basic struggle needs to go on. See:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

      And yes, I think you are the problem ;-) I’m not saying that to tease you. All our problems are created by ourselves. No need to blame others for them. Take responsibility and deal with them. That’s the good thing about responsibility: if you accept that the problem is yours, and no one else’s, this empowers you to solve it! People who assume the victim role, do not accept responsibility and blame the rest of the world for what happened to them. That point of view is a complete dead-end and will never enable resolution.

      How many successful surgeries did you perform today? And is it still raining?

      Take care!

      • Today was homework and children day. Several positiv periods.
        We dressed our 4.8m trampolin in the backyarde. Trampolin is a very good exercice for me. I trye to jump 600 in the morning and 600 in the evening (when it doesen’t rain ; so I’m not very tired for the moment ;) ) I found 3 very sweet red strawberrys in the garden hmmmmmm delicious. How is korean food, I like indian and thailand food, because their are many vegetarian dishes.
        so the biggest surgery today at home was taking out 2 ticks (Zecken) at my cat’s neck ( Ping Pong the cat has survived ;) ; the ticks RIP)
        Is their any subject that you hasn’t read something about? ;) It is very interesting!

        • Amelia,
          did I see you write that you are starting the STRC long distance program?
          I have a mini trampoline that I used to love to bounce on. Abigail from the Strc clinic said I should not do it while I am trying to recover because it may not be good for my neck.
          So maybe be aware if you want to continue jumping to hold your neck so it doesn’t flop around too much.

          I too think your rural life sounds so wonderful. it is a life I have often pondered, how must it have been like in the past when everyone had this type of wonderful rural life? Full of family, culture, traditions and Faith in the higher power. CD was not so prevalent then I am sure.

          I wonder too…….is there anything ccd has not read about? :)
          This is a wonderful community we have here sharing this blog. We seem to be such wonderful people, it helps me a lot. God smiles on us I know.

          • Hi sunflowersprout,
            thanks for the good advice. I read somewhere that Abigail do not recommande jogging, because it’s not good for the neck. So I yet thought that she will not like the idea of jumping ;) , but I have practice and I tried to find the best jumps for me, and it relaxes my shoulders. I have also been riding, that was also a very interesting experience, because the whole body moves in a complete other way. Most of time it was good for pelvis and shoulders, but I also felt that some movements were not good for me, so for the moment I do a riding break. I got a first e-mail from Abie, with advices how to sleep.All that sounds very interesting. I read that you felt difference after a week; I’m so happy for you.

            Yes I am lucky to have such a good life. Before this part of life, everything was very different. My first husband was an IT manager, a lot of stress, a big villa, travelling a lot, a lot of friends, just doctors and professors… it was also very interesting but it was a little bit artifical, a little bit as “desperate housewifes”.

            Then I dropped in my new life. Everything is completely different. I am close to the nature, her rythme is our rythm, we depend on the sun, of the rain. Every season has its rule, and it comes back every year, their is a structure,. Before I lived here I sometimes thought that I just can have interesting discussions with people who went to university…. but I was so wrong, so wrong. People here can teach me so many things. They work hard, 12-14 hours a day, but there is no hurry, things has to be done and they are done. I think it’s the best place for me and really the best place for my children. This basic life is so rich!

            You are wright, this blog is really a wonderful place, with very interesting peoples.
            Greatings from the old continent.

        • Sounds very nice! I am missing the strawberries and raspberries from my own garden…
          But Korean food is good. But completely different from other Asian food.
          E.g., in most restaurants, for EUR 3.50 I can get:
          – a bowl of rice+vegetables+mushrooms+egg
          – soup
          – several side dishes (cooked and seasoned vegetables, fried anchovy, seaweed, tempura, etc.) as much as the guest wants.
          It’s amazing!
          One of the most common side dishes is kimchi: fermented cabbage with red pepper. I like it very much.
          Then there is the famous Korean BBQ. It is delicious, but I avoid it as meat is too acidic for the time being.
          The food tends to be a bit spicy, but I eat it every day now and I have no problem with the spiciest dishes anymore.

          That’s a kind of surgery that I often perform on our own cat as well! And often he just leaves them for me to pick up (or step upon) on the floor :-(

          Well, if I find an interesting subject I haven’t read about, I just look it up and read about it. It works ;-)

          • Amelia,
            By riding I think you mean horseback, not motorcycle?
            Motorcycle riding is another NO, NO while trying to recover.
            You and your family are so fortunate to be living this lifestyle in the country. This will be so helpful in your healing.

            CCD the food sounds wonderful for a vegetarian, so if I ever go to Korea i will not starve.
            Kimchi is sold here in the US at health food stores. It is very good for you, I think because of the active bacterial cultures.
            I wonder if they have famous Korean BBQ tofu?

          • Yes, it seems the Korean’s weren’t affected by Asian bird flu thanks to the effects of kimchi. This has been researched all over…
            Don’t know about Korean tofu BBQ, will check!

          • How interesting!
            Good to know we have natural protection against the lab created virus unleashed on the public. ;{
            I have read our intestines are our second brain. When our guts are healthy our brain is also. So I think it is important especially for us to keep our guts full of good bacteria, this will aid in healing the misfiring cranial nerve.
            Good you are eating this wonderful traditional food!!

  5. All Saints and Sages throughout time have told us this world is an illusion, it is not real. They say we must live and prepare for the “real world” beyond this physical one, you can call it heaven. Heaven is where there is no decay or death, everything there is real or eternal. It is our true home, where we originally came and where we need to get back to, if we wish to escape this world where unimaginable suffering exists…… like CD.
    Saints and Sages have always taught the transmigration of the soul. We have been coming to this physical world over and over again starting as amoebas, working our way to the human level where God realization is possible.
    God realization is where real healing exists, at that point it doesn’t matter what condition the physical body is in, because you will be all consumed and merged with the love and bliss of the higher power.
    This is where I want to be…..CD will have no power over me then. at our level we are controlled by this unreal world. We are merely pawns with the master chest player called our “Karma” from all of our past lives controls our moves.
    Even though it feels like we are moving across the board freely the Master chest player manipulates our moves according to the law of cause and effect or as we sow so shall we reap.
    ( I know we don’t agree on this point ccd….but that’s okay) :)
    So I realize I may have been a King who beheaded countless people and I am getting my Just Rewards….. Who knows :).
    This is not to say that CD will be life long, but ultimately this is where Cd comes from.
    I do wonder about the history of Cd. Is this a modern day phenomena or has it always been around. Abigail from the STRC clinic says I am unusual because I am a dark skinned Italian. Unfortuantely I was not raised in Italy, I was raised in Canada (very english). Italians can be fun loving and pleasure seeking people when they are in there environment when life is good, secure and abundant. Immigrants that leave for a new country on the other hand, have much stresses, and as a result can create trauma for their off spring, which is where CD can happen even to a dark skinned Italian.

    What Doctor Lee is saying is very encouraging. This is a roller coaster ride for us all. Your emotions are very normal under the circumstances, but the young and wise Myfight has it right, we need to give ourselves the time and not feel so much pressure.

    • Indeed, we do not agree. Of course you can believe what you want, but I think it’s not necessary to be that fatalistic ;-)
      What is real? It’s a matter of definition. What we perceive and experience is very real to us. It’s within certain boundaries and dimensions (fortunately), but real nevertheless. And in the “here and now” we have the power to make decisions, to take actions, and to be happy as well. This place we are in can be perceived as very meaningful because our thoughts, feelings and actions can make a difference. And as for Karma, it coexists with free will. There is no master chess player (unless you believe it and therefore create it ;-). Most writings on Karma confirm this. I like the following explanation: http://www.salrachele.com/webarticles/karmaandfreewill.htm
      Personally, I would add that seeing Karma as unchangeable fate due to actions in previous lives is a misconception, because time is not necessarily sequential in its nature (it only seems that way to us in our 4 dimensions) and also because this idea implicitly assumes that there must have been free will ‘before’ the Karma was created, which is a contradictio in terminis i.m.h.o.

      Regarding the history of CD, cases have been documented for several hundreds of years. From the perspective of the freeze response in traumatic events, which happens to captured animals and to humans in their cultural cage, it seems plausible that when human beings were still one with nature (so they could discharge the stuck survival energy), there was no CD. The more we become alienated from our own bodies and nature, the more CD (and other ailments) there will be.

      I can imagine that northern cultures will provoke the freeze response more than southern cultures. However, the actual numbers do not confirm this. There are as many dystonia patients in Italy as in any northern European country. As for blepharospasm, there even appear to be many more in Italy, according to what I found on www. distonia.it.
      “Un recentissimo studio italiano (2001) effettuato in una comunità pugliese di circa 67.000 abitanti ha dimostrato una prevalenza per il solo blefarospasmo di 133 per milione, circa 8 volte più alta della corrispondente stima statunitense (17 per milione).”
      Dystonia is found in any part of the world, at similar rates.
      So, to be honest, I do not think that there is a major difference between countries. I do think that people from northern countries often can speak English and can relate to Abigail Brown, and therefore come to STRC…

      Yes, let’s give ourselves the time! I am still very much inclined to try to heal myself within the time contraints of my own project management. How silly :-)

      • Hi CCD,
        I agree to disagree :) You know these kind of discussions can be endless.
        I will only say a few more words. This world is very real as far as the experience, yes, but very unreal in the permanency aspect. So I would rather end up in the permanent real abode with our creator.
        There was free will in the beginning when we as souls decided to take a journey down to the lower physical levels, that was long ago, now we have much Karma. There is a way out of it, but that is a whole other discussion.
        I personally do not read “writings” on Karma. This is intellectual “mind” stuff written by ordinary humans. I only read spiritual matters from actual Saints (God realized souls). Buddha was one of them, and these are his teachings as well.
        Don’t get me wrong I will still do everything in my power to get well, this is our job. But my healing will come from the Grace of God.

        Thank you for the statistics on Italians. Is there a language you do not know how to speak?
        You are typical Type A……trying to heal yourself in the time constraints of project management……very funny!! :)

        • I challenge you to read the text I sent you, as it isn’t an intellectual construct, but the words of a wise being. That’s the last I’ll say about it, for now :-)

          As for languages, my Japanese is so-so, and my Korean completely sucks.

          Yes, type A, but with a sauce of C and D … Mmm, that sounds yuk!

          • Okay, I will read it for you, but probably will still not agree….:)

      • An interesting book about perception of “reality” “Wie wirklich ist die Wirklichkeit” von Watzlawik.
        I experimented several Mc Gyver versions of pelvic balancing and I feel realy good this evening. . But too late tonight. Nice to see rate 7. The food sounds delicious;
        good night

        • I hope you slept well!

          “Wie wirklich ist die Wirklichkeit” by Watzlawick is interesting indeed, claiming that perception of reality is largely based on communication between human beings. However, I think that there is much more than mere interhuman communication that contributes to our perception of reality. But that’s another discussion!

          Could you tell a bit more about those pelvic balancing exercises you are doing? Are you doing those because you read about pelvic balancing on this blog and/or you feel you have a pelvic distortion yourself?

          By the way, I listened to Marillion, The Space. Very nice song with lots of emotion. It didn’t have the same effect on me however, even though it’s inspired by an event in my city of birth. I can recommend life-changing (really!) music Canto Ostinato by Ten Holt. See&hear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDCsOL2vBJc

          • Very beautiful music and pictures; unfortunately I had not enough time to listen the whole piece, but I will do it later.

            So,
            it always seemed logic to me that when there is a problem at the base there will be a problem in the whole tower. The vertical direction. I put a folded (tempo Taschentuch HILFE) paper or cotton 3-4mm thick first in my right shoe, under the heel (I felt discomfort) then in the left and then I felt better (My TS is : my head turns to the left side, and my left shoulder is higher)
            While sitting in the car I always trie to relaxe, to be attentif at my breathing… sometimes it works, sometimes not. There I tried now to put a CD box under my right legg, then under my left legg, again it was much better when it was under the left.
            In lying position, at the beginning of CD I could normaly move my had in both directions without problems, but after several years I also started feeling pain while lying. I take a towel and fold it for 5cm, I first put it 5min under the right hip, then 5 min under the left (there is no difference between the both sides, both give me a better feeling as without).
            For my maxi-mandibulaire balancing, I abounded my sons lego pieces I now take small white buttoms from shirts (between last molares of my left side).
            I know all this sound very primitiv but for me it workes.
            “Du lebst in der besten aller Welten, nämlich in deiner,
            wenn du sie ändern willst, musst du dich ändern” ; Rudiger Dahlken
            (you lives in the best of all the worlds, because it’s your world,
            if you want to change it, you have to change yourself)

            yesterday at work :
            A first old woman came because her 12year old dog is coughing; I examinated him and found out that he has a heart problem. It was a very strong and proud woman, but when she heared my words she completely changed, she got vulnerable; she told the dog not to leave her alone ( I told her, that it will be OK, that we will find the best food, the medis, and exercice rythme)
            then a 86 years old lady gave me a phone call because her 18 year old dog is suffering since several mounths ( I yet visited him oftenly, but I can do no miracle). She called me and asked me if I can come and give him his last injection, the final one, she decided to let him go. And she told me that she was so afraid of this thought so she stopped eating since a week.
            That are just dogs, but for those people they are so much more. I think lonelyness is one of the cruelst illnesses in our world.

            wenschen en scheinen Daag

          • Moien! Wéi geet et?

            Thanks a lot for explaining your self-treatments. Remarkable! What you are trying to do, is more or less what Dr. Lee does as well. I don’t think there are many CDers who take the initiative to alleviate their own symptoms in such a constructive way! And does it really work? To what extend does it help to remove the symptoms? 50% of it?

            Poor old women… I think we all create our own loneliness, we have responsibility there. But it is surely true that our modern rat-race society makes people more vulnerable to loneliness.

            Glad you liked the music! It has changed the lives of many. I just found a nice reference to it on another blog:
            “And I’m realizing that the Canto Ostinato is changing my life. This piece is so powerful. Its sounds are like the waves hitting land; its repetitive, rhythmic, but ever changing. Its beautiful one minute, and even more so the next. It feels like this composition represents life. It takes me through uncountable ups and downs, it slowly introduces me into intense climaxes leaving me breathless, then it gives me my breath back by presenting me short periods of relaxation, where I feel myself floating in between waves of beauty, ready for the next eruption on shore, ready to be showered in thousands of crystal drops. This music is so transformational and inspiring. It is life. It is that little preview into what we are able to create when connected to the heart.”

            Schéinen Dag!

  6. Nice to hear your updates again. From your detailed descriptions (and you are also a great writer), I (and other readers) really feel like we are in the healing journey together and I can assimilate a lot about how you’ve gone through physically and emotionally. I’m not surprised about Dr. Lee’s remarks about your progress. On top of that, you are determined than anyone else!
    Yes, the symptoms largely fluctuates week to week, day to day, and even time to time during the day, which is very frustrating. As Dr. Lee told you that your current symptoms are good ones, the STRC also mentioned (as you know) that there are good spasms and bad ones, and good ones always occurs when working on the recovery. And if there are other people who have already healed or recovered in the past, why not us? We just need some more patience. Our body will pay off later if we take care of them, and vice versa – we have CD because we didn’t take care our body enough for many years. The body needs time to digest and adjust to the changes to recover.

    I have questions for you:
    – Is it possible for you to meet some of the Dr. Lee’s long-time patients who recovered in the past or currently recovering very well and ask them how they went though the recovery process outside of the clinic (life style changes, mind set, etc.)? Those who took longer time to recover is better. Dr. Lee’s interns may help interpret for you in case of language barriers (and it may also be good learning experience for them).
    – Have the clinic helped you with ‘correct’ walking? (e.g., the movement of pelvic bones, etc.)
    I just thought these might be helpful and encourage you in some way.

    “You determine that you don’t need the symptoms anymore and replace them with healthy patterns.” – easier said than done but indeed this is our bottom line, isn’t it? I’m rereading “Anatomy of the Spirit” by Caroline Myss, which gave me the ideas of “the mind rules the body” many years ago. She said healing is very active process, not passive.
    Again, many of us have the same struggle as you do, so let’s keep moving forward!

    P.S. I’m living in a Korean town in the U.S. (but I’m not a Korean nor speak Korean), and I eat vegetable bibimbap almost every week! I’ve been in Korea (Seoul) many years ago (as a tourist), so I can somewhat imagine how your life there like ;)

    • Gamsa hamnida for your reassuring and wise words! Yes, time is needed. No “just in time” healing, I need to keep telling myself.
      I like your definition of good symptoms: these occur when we work on our recovery! I am often confused when I feel symptoms, not knowing if they are good or bad, since I never like them, good or bad. But you gave me a framework for designating them as good!

      Yes, I have been trying to speak with two women who have almost completely recovered now. Due to the language barrier the information exchange has been limited, but I’ll try again.
      As for the walking, the instructions are basic: very, very, very military!!! I’ll ask about the more subtle parts, like pelvis/hips, shoulders, etc.

      It is so nice to be able to communicate on a daily basis with people like myself who are going through the same thing. (And who are not complaining about their pain, their fears for Botox injections, their crippling side effects, etc.) Thanks for connecting!!!

      That’s a coincidence. You eat bibimbap every week, but aren’t Korean. Just like me. But are you Asian?

      I’ll look into Caroline Myss as well!

    • I got answers to your questions!

      1) Today I had the opportunity to speak to a woman with CD, who is almost recovered. Dr. Lee had already told me that her recovery is the slowest one in the clinic’s history so far. One of the assistants in the clinic speaks English quite well and she was able to translate for me.
      At the outbreak of her illness, her head was rotating to the left quite severely. During the past two years she has had almost 400 treatments, up to now. At this stage she doesn’t have symptoms anymore and feels very well. She still has a deviation now and then, for which she goes to the clinic once a week or once every few weeks. It is becoming less frequent, an indication that she is really close to full recovery now.
      In the beginning of the treatment she did have some periods with more symptoms, but at some point it just got better gradually.
      She has always had faith in Dr. Lee, and she has always done her utmost to think positively. She said that you need to fight and to continue fighting. I got the impression that she never really had a crisis, apart from the aggravating symptoms that she experienced.

      2) One of the doctors, who has a great posture herself (see section Photographs, the photograph at the bottom: the woman with the glasses), helped me out with the correct walking. She said the two most important things while walking are: correct posture (spine) and mindfulness. She added that for waliking it is beneficiary to have a basic tension in the buttocks and the lower abdomen. The rest of the body needs to be relaxed. No need to pay too much attention to specific muscles or movements. Posture and mindfulness should do the trick nicely. And perhaps the mindfulness can be extended with a breathing meditation, just paying attention to the breath in the chest, or the nostrils, etc.

      Hope that makes sense!

      • Great to hear this update! How encouraging and touching story! Her perseverance and faith did pay off, so can we! I like the doctor’s approach about the correct walking – I agree that pay attention in the buttocks and the lower abdomen (in yoga it called the ‘core’) and the rest should be relaxed (especially the neck and shoulder – challenging for CDers). I’ll need to practice about the mindfulness part. Thanks for posting!

        I think the ‘good spasms’ idea (from the STRC) is basically the same as the healing crisis. While their approaches are different, I also found (perhaps so do you) a lot in common between Dr. Lee’s treatments and the STRC program. For example, both emphasize about the posture, healthy diet (similar in detail), and positive attitude. These common ideas gave me more assurance that I’m in the right direction despite the symptoms. Spasms are discouraging symptoms so we need to do anything that will calm our muscles and nerves after treatments or exercises. To me it’s mainly the AT for now but I’ll try more from the STRC program. To tell you the truth, a while ago I was debating myself to have Botox once or twice (no more) to reduce these spasms during the first 3-6 months of the STRC program in the period which can’t avoid fight-back symptoms, so that I can alleviate my work life by reducing social embarrassment. But this plan is gone for now.

        Yes, I’m Asian (how did you guess?) – I grew up in a neighboring country of Korea. I like ethnic food so much since I love to travel overseas (used to be a backpacker when I was younger). So despite my CD symptoms while walking, I walk a lot (including long stairs and hills) during the lunch time to ethnic restaurants or farmer’s markets. I may be able to give up dancing and swimming, but I can’t give up traveling so I definitely need to recover from CD!

        • Dolphin, I wonder if the treatment called “Trigger point dry needling” would work for you instead of botox.
          There is an article about it in the treatment section.

          • I’ve read about it. Thanks for reminding me! It’ll be more costly (since no insurance covers with it) and time consuming (every 2 weeks) and not sure if this really work for me, but I may consider trying that. I was encouraged very much by Ginger’s testimonial video, too. Good luck with your recovery work as well!

        • Same here, I have been trying to practice mindfulness for several years, and it still is a challenge.

          I agree with you that STRC and FCST have a lot in common. But STRC is much more rigid in terms of life style and rules, and needs to be done by yourself. FCST allows more freedom and is obviously continuously supported by a doctor. Anyway, with everything you are doing, you surely are going in the right direction and will be able to travel and visit those restaurants and markets again! Once all of the visitors of this blog are recovered, we will have to meet somewhere in the world to celebrate it.

          During several years I worked for a company from that “neighboring country”, so I can tell ;-)

          • I’ve been thinking about mindfulness (= full of mind). As I see it, it’s about focus on right here and right now, not thinking about the past or future, appreciating what you already have, recognizing how blessed you are, accepting yourself as a whole person, having a sense of harmony both mind and body, breathe slowly and deeply, and never hurry… just my own interpretation of mindfulness. I’m not a Buddhist but took a world religion class in college in the past and enjoyed it a lot. Much easier said than done – my mind can get chaos while walking with CD symptoms. I’m working on accepting myself as a whole person, which I recently realized I have hard time doing it and I don’t know why.
            Yes, we should celebrate when we all recovered!

          • Alright then, that’s a deal. Let’s already start thinking about a good location!

            Very nice summary of mindfulness! Don’t worry about the past, don’t fear the future, just be in the here and now, take it all in and give it all you’ve got.

            Allow me to say something about the difficulty to accept ourselves as a whole person. Due to our trauma, we have dissociation symptoms. This means that we split off part(s) of ourselves, and therefore have this issue with being whole. What we have split off: our anger, our grief, our love for ourselves, our flow of emotions, our freedom, our ability to be flexible – also literally, only being able to look at life in one way.

      • CCD,
        I can tell your spirit has been lifted by this woman……so has mine!
        How wonderful that she eventually healed!!
        What do you mean she never had a crisis? an emotional one?
        Maybe she never did because she was fortunate enough to live there and see Dr. Lee immediately.
        Not like us, who have been alone in our struggles and have to figure it out ourselves.

        I’m not sure what you mean by mindfulness…..do you mean when walking we should think about how we are walking?

        Some exciting news for myself…..I get to communicate with Ginger the gal in the exercise DVD from STRC.
        She no longer needs to do the program. If anyone has any questions for her, I will ask.

        P.S. I am going to the gym and found it was not at all difficult for me to do the ugly military….. :[

        • Yes, it seems she never really had an emotional crisis, never doubting the therapy or anything else. She just kept going steadily. Actually, she reminds me of a warrior, with her long black hair, serene eyes and slow cowboy-like walk. I can easily imagine her on a battle horse with a suit of armor. And yes, it must have helped her, being so close to Dr. Lee.

          Mindfulness means being IN the moment. So really do what you do, physically and mentally, without getting distracted and drifting away to other worlds. This has been a very hot topic during the past 5 years. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness
          Mindfulness is extremely useful to us STers, who are used to living in our heads.

          Let me know what you learned from Ginger! Please ask her to what extent she has changed her life style. Are there many things she avoids in order to stay on the safe side? (You know that I want to get back to drinking wine and to do my 3rd-Dan karate exam. And I will. Actually, I already drank some wine at Dr. Lee’s birthday dinner yesterday.) And did she resolve her childhood traumas or is she still somewhat suffering from rigidity/freeze?

          Kindly send or upload a picture of your military ;-)

        • sunflowersprout – I came up with questions to Ginger. Hope it’s not too late (never mind if it’s too late).
          – When walking, does she now have sense of free walk with relaxed neck, or does she conscious about supporting her neck (with some tension)? How does she describe her walking when she had CD symptoms and after she recovered?
          – Are there any herbs like reishi mushrooms she has tried? Did she try magnets? Did she try Shaklee vitamins (expensive!)? Any of these helped her recovery?
          Gosh, I have a lot of questions – I may find a chance to talk to her myself sometime later.
          Thank you, sunflowersprout! Keep up with your military!

          • Dolphin, I will ask these questions.
            I have not attempted to contact her yet, I have to be in the right mood if you know what I mean.
            I will probably send her an email today and see if I can talk to her by phone.

          • sunflowersprout – No hurry! We have plenty of time going forward. As you work on the program a couple more weeks or months, I’m sure you’ll have more questions to her and will make more sense what she means. It may be a sensitive subject so it’ll be nice both of you are in the right mood when communicating ;) Good luck!

          • Dolphin Ginger is suppose to be calling me sometime this week. Hopefully I’ll be near my phone when she does, she sounds very busy.

          • sunflowersprout, thanks for the update – that’s exiting! Keep us posted! I got ‘kneading fingers’ today and it works really nicely!

  7. You will probably roll your eyes after reading this, but sometimes I still feel perplexed by Dr. Lee’s treatments.
    I am not doubting that it works, since obviously people are healing. I know his treatments allow for communication between mind and body.
    But he is working on the patients physical structure, so I’m wondering if he feels that our structure falls apart FIRST, causing the misfiring cranial nerve.
    Or does he think first the misfiring cranial nerve then the structure falls apart?
    I should ask if he also feels it is a misfiring cranial nerve?, this is what mainstream science says……I sometimes wonder if this is the truth also.

    And say for instance if the physical reason for me developing CD is from a chemical or heavy metal source, then how would I be healed by DR. LEE?

    I know these are dumb questions, we’ve been through it before, but my technical mind still does not completely understand.
    I know and believe the trauma aspect, but there are 3 reasons to get CD:

    Emotional Trauma
    Physical Trauma
    Toxins

    So Dr. Lee’s treatments resolve the emotional (to an extent) and physical trauma, but what about the toxins? chemical, heavy metal, viral ?

    • Alright, here goes (eyes rolling all over ;-) ) =>

      No dumb questions, on the contrary.
      I have not heard Dr. Lee speak about the basal ganglia specificly (and mainstream science hasn’t provided the hard proof yet). In his view, the spinal structure (gradually) collapses first, and then the symptoms arise. In the case of CD, this means the following. Within the framework of FCST, the main cause of cervical dystonia is considered to be subluxation of the upper cervical vertebrae, as well abnormality of the brain-nervous system due to imbalance of the TMJ. Tertiary nerves around the TMJ area are concatenated to the Atlas and the Axis along the brainstem. Abnormalities in TMJ thus cause subluxation in the occipito atlantoaxial joint, which in turn generates a distorted signal to the brain-nervous system. This leads to errors in the brain-nervous system that cause involuntary cramps, spasms, and pain in the cervical area.

      I haven’t heard Dr. Lee speak of toxification. He does not really look at the causes. He looks at the symptoms of the patient. If the patient has imbalance in the TMJ, enhanced muscle tension, dislocated vertebrae, etc., he judges the patient fit for treatment with FCST, not matter the cause.

      Personally, I insist that the one and only root cause is childhood trauma. As a result of this chilchood trauma, physical trauma will follow. And the physical trauma may then trigger the symptoms. This is a fact: see the work of Dr. Scaer. In my opinion, toxification is just a specific kind of physical trauma. People who have a great mental health, are much less prone to toxification. They can smoke as much as they want, inhale asbestos, drink mercury, and still have no health issue! You can check this by yourself with a litmus test. No matter how much alkaline food you eat, when you are really stressed, your body will become acidic and therefore will start to store toxins.

      For detoxification, Dr. Lee will recommend to practice positive thinking, eat alkaline foods, exercise regularly, etc. Also, he does acupuncture and cupping, and provides herbal medicine. That will also greatly support the detoxification process. All those things are very helpful. But the body will heal itself. Don’t think that you have toxins inside your body that can only be taken out by some ingenious process. Your body can do it by itself.

      And working with the body = working with the emotional body. So things you solve at the physical level have an impact on the emotional level and vice versa. E.g., people who do a juice fast for 14 days (I still want to do this) to cleanse their colon, say that this is a very intense mental cleanse as well.

      • My Golly, I think I’ve finally got it !!!! :) thank you CCD!

        You are also so funny, you really made me laugh this time…….I am surprised that someone with such a sense of humor like yourself has CD…. and soon it will be HAD CD!

        This makes much more sense to me than the misfiring cranial nerve theory. That inner voice of mine has felt suspicious of the mainstream theory, and I don’t think this inner voice has anything to do with the fact that I think they are quacks for the most part. :)

        As you may remember I have felt from the beginning that this was an C1 and C2 issue, but Dr. Lee has clarified also the jaw which makes even more sense.
        When I was going to the chiropractor (atlas orthoganist)
        I really felt I was being cured for awhile, when my atlas and axis were in alignment it was amazing how much the pull relaxed, but of course it was always only temporary.
        I agree I think the body can detox itself, but it must also have the right nutrients. According to a Doctor named Mark Sircus, most of us are deficient in Magnesium. Magnesium is essential for the cells to be able to detox heavy metals. He recommends a transdermal method.
        Applying this oily magnesium on the skin, or you can just jump in the warm oceans of Hawaii……a great place for us all to meet once we are healed, lot’s of magnesium there!

        • Another question popping up in my head.
          Lot’s of other people, infact when you look at the world full of people, many have obvious structural problems,(rounded shoulders, hunched back, crooked hips, head that juts way out, etc) especially people with obvious TMJ symptoms. I don’t have any obvious problems, so why do I have CD and not them?

          Don’t worry, I know the answer, I am listening……I can already hear your little voice inside my head……CHILDHOOD TRAUMA! :)

          • Rolling eyes again…

            Well, not exactly. Many of those people may have had childhood trauma. But not all of them get CD. Some may get depressed, heart failure, whiplash syndrome, Tourette’s, fybromyalgia, etc. But there is a fraction of people with childhood trauma that develops CD. They are wired in a certain way. We know what their lives look like: rigidity, one-sidedness, lots and lots of control. It takes much strength and will-power to be able to structurize your life with such a lot of stuck survival energy in the body. I have to add this to the section perspectives, but the 5th chakra, located in our throats, is the chakra of will-power. Our twisted necks show how much we have over asked our system with our will power.

            I’ll be happy to type more if you want me to ;-)

        • I am glad!

          Well, all of us here on this blog have a good sense of humor. It’s a good thing, but in itself not enough to make CD disappear (yet), apparently…

          Yes, I remember that you were talking about C1 and C2. Don’t try to pinpoint the physical cause too much. The basal ganglia could also be involved. The amygdala is heavily affected by the freeze response (see Dr. Scaer), and the amygdala in turn most likely influences the basal ganglia. So there’s the brain, cranial bones, TMJ, spine, pelvis, etc. All of those parts are distorted to some extend. It’s a whole pattern, and in my opinion it’s not so very useful to try to understand which physical part set off the domino effect. Probably none at all: everything’s connected. And to get better you need to reestablish the whole chain anyway. Only addressing C1 and C2 isn’t enough, even if it really would have been the first domino stone.

          For the detox, you can simply ask the body to do it. There is a method, called MIR (Mental and Intuitive Reset) which is gaining popularity and facilitates this. See: http://www.mirmethod.com/. It takes a few minutes per day. I have been doing this for months now, and think it really helps. It is all about creating your own world with your consciousness. (I have also miraculously cured our cat with it when he was really ill and not getting better!)

          Hawaii is an attractive candidate! I’ll think about candidates as well.

          • Thank you,
            I hope I have not exhausted you with all this. But I do have a clearer understanding of it all now.
            Yes I certainly have over asked my system with my will power.
            I guess it’s time to start releasing the stuck survival energy!
            I have finished reading the book “Spontaneous healing” by Andrew Weil
            He has witnessed many healings in his life and says that ” The common correlation in people with chronic illness who heal, is total acceptance of one’s life including illness. This change allows profound internal relaxation, so that people no longer need to maintain a defensive stance toward life. Often it occurs as part of a spiritual awakening and submission to a higher power.”

            He also says: ” Most people are in a state of perpetual confrontation, trying by the imposition of will to shape events and control situations.” Like you said above.

            From Lao-tzu an ancient Chinese philosopher :
            As the soft yield of water cleaves obstinate stone,
            So to yield with life solves the insoluble.
            It is said: There’s a way, where there is a will”
            But let life ripen and then fall,
            will is not the way at all,
            Deny the way of life and you are dead.

            Acceptance, submission, surrender according to Andrew Weil may be the key that unlocks healing.

          • You’ve never exhausted me, so far!

            Thank you for your beautiful & inspiring comments and quotes here!!!

            I totally agree with Andrew Weil and have been saying almost the same thing from the beginning. Understand the symptoms and accept them. Then you can let go. Trying to fight the symptoms will only cause a head-on collision and stagnation by default. I love his insight “This change allows profound internal relaxation, so that people no longer need to maintain a defensive stance toward life.”

            And the quote from Lao-tzu is saying the exact same thing I just commented to Dolphin. I am stunned! Well, it means we’re really getting to the bottom of it!

          • Yes, you are also wise CCD. I see you have said the same things.
            One more thing in this book was a story about Dr. Weil.
            He was hit in the head accidentally, just in front of his right ear.
            This caused much pain and he could no longer open or close his mouth, he thought his jaw was dislocated, and he could not get it to go back.
            He was friends with an old school Osteopath. The real original kind, (now osteopaths are useless, they only know drugs and surgery).
            I think there are 26 or so separate bones in the skull, and they are movable not fixed, like mainstream thinks.
            So this old school osteopath cradled Dr. Weil’s head with his hands and he could feel the exact bone in the skull that was out of place. With very gentle manipulations, like cranial sacral therapy,
            the bone went back to it’s position, and the Dr. Weil was fixed.
            This makes me wonder if this is yet another way to realign the whole body?
            Maybe I need to find an old school Osteopath.

            I have a question for anyone who would like to answer. I need to go to the dentist unfortunately. I have a cavity. I know there are drugs that can make dystonia’s worse, so now I am paranoid about any drug.
            I am wondering if anyone has experience going to the dentist with cd, and if you think the Novocaine or whatever they used to numb you made your cd worse?

          • I was not trying to make you say that, sorry! ;-)

            Yes, the cranial bones move. Dr. Lee applies craneal sacral therapy to get the movement back into the bones when the’re jammed. This movement is called cranial rhythmic impulse, or primary respiratory mechanism. Osteopaths can definitely help with restoring this cranial respiration mechanism. But you can also use a craneal sacral therapy pillow such as the one Dr. Lee has designed or the one STRC recommends using.

            I have been to the dentist just before going to Korea to have all my old fillings removed. Normally I never take anesthesia (especially not for one cavity), but it couldn’t be avoided this time. So one half of my mandible became numb for an entire morning. I think it had no negative impact on the dystonia whatsoever. I guess it’s safe. But to make sure you can check the substances list provided by STRC.

            Best of luck!!!

          • I know you were not trying to make me say that! I said it because I meant it…….you say the same things….. only not as poetically as Lao Tzu :)
            Thank you for suggesting the cranial sacral pillow. I will get one now for sure. I did not realize this realigns the skull bones?
            I was reading about this primary respiratory system. So glad Dr lee addresses this also. You are lucky to be in his hands. It sounds like your structure is almost perfect, so try not to worry, the symptoms will go away at some point.
            In the beginning did Dr. Lee mention how your primary respiratory mechanism was functioning?

            Do you know if your dentist used Novocaine or that gas that they use?
            I did check the list and I asked Abigail she said it was fine, but again I am just paranoid now.

          • It doesn’t really realign the cranial bones, but in case of jamming (and this always happens in cerebrospinal collapse, according to FCST), the pillow will get the bones loose again so that the primary respiration can resume. Dr. Lee didn’t explicitly diagnose me at this point (I think that would be a very difficult diagnosis), but simply assumed that I would have a problem there as well and thus asked me to use the CST pillow several times per day.
            No, I don’t know what my dentist used exactly. It was a huge syringe that went deep into my jaw, completely deafening the left part of the mandible for the duration of the entire morning. Don’t worry, you’ll be alright!

          • sunflowersprout, I thought homeopathy might help if you are concerned about those stuff. I haven’t get chance to learn about homeopathy yet, so I don’t know about the details. My friend in Canada has told me that knowing remedies for the individuals (herself and her family members) helped to cure an allergy, the flue, etc. instantly. Not sure this is related at all, but just a suggestion.

          • Hi Dolphin,
            Thanks for the suggestion of homeopathy.

            I actually read a story a while back of a person with generalized dystonia using homeopathy very successfully.
            So many things to try and so little money :(

          • Hi sunflowersprout – same here with little money ;) I bought some tools the STRC recommended but most of them are substitutes at lower costs – I searched on Amazon.com with the similar products, checked the functions and reputations, and bought them with cheaper prices with free shipping (these are delivered to me just today). For example, to stimulate occipital muscles like the CST pillow, I bought Occipivot – I like it.

  8. Glad to read you’ve discovered Bibimbap! And I admire your courage to put consciousness to the healing process. Have a look at this pic, you’ll like this statement from http://www.bewareofimages.com
    https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/c0.0.403.403/p403x403/530448_417064724988183_664050932_n.jpg
    You should be able to find a good Qi-gong teacher in Cheonan. Qi-gong definitely supports healing with mindfullness and ‘silently’ furthers your martial arts development as well.
    All the best from Team Choi

    • Yes, the food here is great! When I get back, I’ll have to find a way to get kimchi regularly, at least!
      Nice quotes you sent me! They neatly fit with my story. I’ll look into Qi-gong and let you know. (If I have the time here, as I seem to be busy all the time ;-) )
      My very best to you and the team!

  9. dear ccd and all others “searching about this phenomenom”,

    let me ask some questions you do not have to answer to, but it is to build up another theory to recovery cd.

    1. do you have every time control checking up your body, I mean is the base still in control working up above ( I mean the pelvic obliquity). this is the fundament.

    2. did you ever tried and be able to control the easiest movements that we can think about like (and that´s important) arm circling?? – so do you feel some kind of disability about that?

    3. I´am pretty sure this cd is an special movement issue. some kind of resilient issue do it so hard for ourselves.

    4. did you see other people which way seeems to be straight on. .. forget it..this is only a self-pity issue.

    checked something, nearly all, and this cd seems to be a malposition issue and something on…

    first: make body straight
    second: free mind (have so much to do which relaxing body)
    third: manifest the things

    summary, doing it all togethether finding and manifest the middle.

    the only way to do this? straight up body and (and mind – but thats the second..-first control movements, learning it new as a child is at the end a mind card issue._!!!) Learnend and checked out od training that cd is a symmetric issue!!! muscles have to be in harmony (as the whole body)

    I am on the way finding out the way out of it. good progress. I am sure I will heel my by myself and then showing others to find the way out of this desaster.

    leave it all focussing so much on detail, let the nature heal by itself and focussing on movements to re-issue the problem-areas. this is we all have together. one of us will find some keys that we can share.

    If I will find I will share the secrets finding it to heal. I agree with ccd making a big recovery-party..the time will come. giving my whole power resolving cd and it will be fine, any other issues has been resoveled also..

    I am with you fucking this devil inside us with intelligence and focus.

    there is no other way than resolving it, just do it.

    i am glad reading reading others are having the same and fighting against it. especially ccd seems to be an intelligent one, too (do not know the others..)

    go ahead without botox as this only fucks the symptomps, let us find the reaseon(s) and heaving all a new birthday..

    cheers from germany , the next soccer champiox, greatings to netherleands ccd ;-) just joking this doesnt matters..;-)

    • Dear Myfight,

      Good to hear from you and to know that you are making progress. But I don’t know what kind of pills or drinks you took to celebrate Germany’s victory. I have a hard time understanding what you mean this time ;-)

      (By the way, I like Germany very much. When my friends ask me if I feel bad about the soccer match, I just reply: “Why. the Germans won, didn’t they?”)

      Anyway, I’ll try to answer you.

      1. Yes, the pelvis is very important for the entire spinal structure. See my previous message about this.

      2. Arm circling has never been a problem for me. Although in the beginning my head would go to all directions. No I am trying to rotate my head in a controlled manner when circling my arms. It works.

      3. You know my views on this. Freeze energy is locked in the body, making the body rigid and causing the locking condition of CD.

      4. ?
      Be careful about self-pity, as it is the most harmful message that we carry with us. It is the voice that tells us that we are worse off than others, will never make it, etc. Dangerous stuff to be avoided at all cost.

      To resolve CD, you need to:
      – resolve the suppressed anger;
      – release the freeze-response energy;
      – get the body straight.
      It doesn’t matter how you do it, and it doesn’t matter in which order you do it. And mind=body, so when you work with the mind, you will also simultaneously work on the body, and vice versa. This is proven. I still need to sit down and write about this.

      And yes, I totally agree that we have to approach the issue as little children. We have to heal our ‘child within’, as he/she is the one who was hurt and is now causing the symptoms. Yes, CD is about symmetry. We have become so rigid that we can only see one side of life. We control everything including ourselves and do not allow flexibility. Once flexibility and flow are reestablished, symmetry will follow.

      New birthday, here we come!!

    • myfight, I’ll try to answer your questions since I also had a bit difficulty understanding what you mean.
      1. I believe the pelvic obliquity is related to twisting the neck (and shoulder) since all are connected. But I’m not sure which one of the neck twisting or the pelvic twisting caused first since one affects the other.
      2. Arm circling causes to pull my neck unless I control to tense my neck very tightly.
      3. My symptoms come out when I walk or raise my hands (calming my hair, reaching up, etc.)
      4. Getting our body straighten up is important for recovery. But relaxing our muscles and mind are equally or even more important. There are some CDers who are content with themselves even their necks are twisted (according to a neurologist I saw). I think that’s because they have different perception in life – they accept as a whole person and they have high self-esteem.
      As I see it, the core concept of FCST, STRC, and what you’ve mentioned (symmetric issue, score card, re-programming, etc.) are basically the same with different expressions and approaches.
      I liked when you mentioned in the initial post (was that you?) that CD makes you feel special! Nice joke (or not?)! I try to feel that way, too!
      Keep up with your fight and keep us posted!

    • hello myfight, sorry I haven’t read your questions before,

      I’m not sure I understand exactly (if there is a problem with my answers, than just formulate the questions once more in germane for me OK?)

      1) pelvic problem ; I think I have a little disorder; my head turns to the left; I feel better when In put a Tempo Taschentuch in my left shoe under the heel (it just make a difference from 2-3 mm but it makes me feel more equilibrated)

      2) basic movements (do you think before CD or with CD) ; at the beginning even the easiest movements were very difficult for me to control (f.ex. eating with a fork and a knife); a lot of things fall down…. but after several months that went better; I think that my brain accepted (das Schief als Gerade). Now most of easy movements are Ok, but there is still a difference between left and right; hands or arm turning is faster on my right side.

      I also think that we can help ourselves and each other. In this blog are different people with different visions, different approaches, and that is what makes it interesting and helpful, we do not have to swim all in the same direction. We can all learn new things,

      Because I still try to find reasons for CD (I know childhoodtrauma.;) ..) but I also look for more basic reasons can you tell me if something relevant happened to you before CD (intense physical and emotional stress situation, I lived under an electric high voltage ligne, I am vegetarian till I was 12; I had a tooth brackag (zahnspange) 4 years before CD started…. )

      We all have to learn and work a lot and to communicate, and after that it will be partytime.

      • hi amelia and all :-)
        danke fürs feedback..
        ich bin immer mehr der meinung (und das sehe ich an meinen fortschritten) das es gilt das gehirn durch bewegung zu re-programmieren. das geht nur mit üben, üben und nochmals üben vor dem spiegel. das gehirn muss engepleudt bekommem das schief verdammt nochmal schief ist und nicht gerade ;-) darüberhinaus muss die muskelsymmetrie wieder hergestellt werden, auch mit übungen und massagen. wichtig als fundament dafür ist ein gerades becken. ohne dies geht es nicht. wie soll ein haus oben gerade werden wenn der keller schief ist. weiterhin ist gewichstverteilung und gleichgewichttrainging ein weiterer baustein. auch sehr wichtig ist eine innere ausgeglichenheit (reduktion von stress, auch als körperentspannung geeignet..). ich bin überzeugt das es bei mir durch jahrelange fehlhaltung gekommen ist. ich habe kein trauma und möchte auch nicht hören ich hätte es vergessen ;-) tierversuche mit hamstern haben gezeigt das sie cd bekommen haben wenn sie sich ständig falsch und extrem bewegen. ganz ohne trauma. was nicht heisst das es bei anderen mitleidenden nicht andere ursachen haben kann ausser fehlhaltung, klar. dieses cd ist sehr flexibel das muss man schon sagen. deshalb muss man es aber nicht mögen ;-)

        so lerne ich mich neu bewegen und dann wird alles gut. cd ist zwar unterhaltsam aber bitte kein abo davon.

        in diesem sinne, cheers und bleibt am ball :-)

  10. let me something put on trough.

    the easiest way is it to declain it as a brain issue which isnt confirmed. to sell botox every 3 month? ;-) i do not agree. there is one or more basics which causes cd.

    did you ever feel this secrect kind of cd patient as there is no panacea? take it and try doing against it. i am 100 % sure this one of us which “swallow” this facts can not recover andwill find their freeddom in botox. but not with me. the brain card has to be re-programmed. thats the only way out of it but it needs to be strong.

    rom wasnt build in a day ;-)

    cheers

  11. never make jokes about the church. god bless you ;-)
    btw- half-final we are in :-) the netherlands can make longer vacation :-P

    • We have always very very long vacation,because we wouldn’t blame the other countries with ower football Power ;). Flying Dutchmen flew home;)

    • I just like to provoke, especially in church. And then run!
      And you’d better be careful as well when you are in the Netherlands ;-)

      • with your long leggs you surely run very fast ;) Running in the Netherlands is easy, it’s so flat;)
        A month ago I had a new very sympatic client at work. A baby Dog his owner’s name was Van der ?????. I asked them what the dog is eating… They told me his menu and “you know we eat a lot of cheese, and so as goodie we give him a piece of cheese”…. OK No problem so long he don’t present allergic skin or digestif problems. Then I asked them their adress; they told me “… rue des tulipes;…..” “That’s a joke? I asked them. They were laughing “no no, they built a new street in town and as we were the first to built a house their the city administration told us “ok we had no name for the street but now we will call it “rue des tulipes”…. (lucky that it wasn’t englishman you imagine “rue fish and chips” ;)

        • But you can run down the hill, which is even faster! Dutch names, tulips, cheese, … Watch out, soon your hills will be gone and the whole country will be flat. That’s what happened to us a long time ago, you know ;-)

          • who likes to provoke also likes provocation? Soon is relative, if soon is in 1 million year, than I can accepte the danger….;) for the moment I still can run up the hills.

  12. amelia, in our today´s newspaper there was van der vaart´s shown on vacation, seems to be better as playing football ;-) but we have an open bill with spain, or two ;-)

    • Kann ich gut verstehn, ich bin auch lieber im Urlaub als auf dem Fussballfeld. Allerdings gibt mir auch niemand nur 1 cents wenn ich kicke ,) Ich kenne keine holländischen Spieler; ich bin aus eurem winzigen Nachbarländchen Luxembourg ;D

      • hi amelia, mach dir keine gedanken, holländische spieler braucht man nicht kennen ;-) da hast du nix verpasst ;-) luxembourg ist nett, vor allem die preise ;-)

        • Lustig,
          Luxemburger stürmen deutsche Geschäfte wegen der Preise, und kaufen Häuser in Deutschland, wegen der Preise….
          und Deutsche kaufen in Luxemburg… das provoziert eine Preis Geschäfts CD (wir sind nicht im Gleichgewicht ;)

          • amelia, mach keine sachen, wenn die deutsche wirtschaft oder angela merkel schiefhals bekommen ist es vorbei ;-) schickst du mir eine oder 20 stangen lucky strikes und etwas sprit, super bleifrei aus L, bitte ? ;-)

  13. CCD: “It takes much strength and will-power to be able to structurize your life with such a lot of stuck survival energy in the body” – This makes a lot of sense to me as I did it to myself for several years, realizing my hardworking could be an ‘addiction’ if I borrow Caroline Myss’ concept on the fifth chakra. I’d be eager to hear more about your perspective about this.

    • Yes, basically this is the same perspective as that of our perfectionism, stemming from childhood trauma and/or suppressed anger directed at ourselves. It’s just a slightly different angle. We have used our will-power to work hard, make everything perfect, press our lives and everything connected to it into the structures we defined. This is very rigid and only pointing in one direction. There is no improvisation, no flexibility. So the physical symbol of our will power, our neck, stops being flexible and gets stuck in one direction only. The development goal for our 5th chakra is to let go of will power and let life flow the way it should be, naturally. We have done the contrary, i.e., we have based our lives on nothing but will power – in order to control ourselves, in order not to have to feel our grief and anger. This is not our fault; we just have this survival energy inside us that has never been discharged and therefore has made us rigid. We have deployed our beautiful qualities (such as perseverence, aestethic, acumen, intellect, authority, etc.) to work around the frozen part. All this without really being able to relax, to enjoy our achievements, to feel our feelings, to feel our bodies. Not really healthy, continuously over-asking the system, finally causing a meltdown with the onset of symptoms shortly after becoming 40.
      Does this make sense to you?
      I’ll think about it a bit more and add something to the Perspectives soon.

      • Thank you for your insight. Yes, it makes a lot of sense to me. I had a vague gut feeling something like this at the onset of CD that years of my extreme hardworking might be the cause of CD, but I was unable to organize this idea. You made it clear! I kept working too hard (against the nature) to satisfy myself from the idea that I’m not enough. So over disciplined and rigid life style without having enough rest caused the rigid body. I used my willpower to reach high goals (seemingly against the nature) and even to avoid illness (I think the latter is okay), so CD was a surprise but I now accept that it was a message to make me slow down. Yes, we need to learn to go with the flow and relax.
        In addition to the 5th chakra that relates willpower and neck vertebrae, it seems 6th (mind/nervous systems) and 7th (spirit/muscle) chakras affect CD as well. I may post more about them later. It’s surprising as I reread these mind/body/health books, now I have a lot of discoveries that I didn’t pay attention when I was no illness. Also, these concepts/ideas are nicely interconnected and have a lot in common.

        • hi dolphin and ccd,

          just a suggestion..do not so hard thinking and searching about the cause of our cd. as i mentioned this means change destiny and this is something different from one to the other. we have a some facts i think you agree. we all have muscle disharmony, dismovements(!) we did not recognized until cd occured, or so you think any other is watching his movements as we do (and we have to). in germany we say “der mensch ist ein gewohnheitstier” and this is what I also checked out. did you ever had the feeling that you think “ok, that is the same as i was healthy” the cd is a process (but was this really healthy), overdosed brain and body which is getting out of control. put all to zero, slow down and learn new (and put the body fundament straight).

          so do not spending so much time to analyze it, make it new and within another way, cd striking tells us something has been crashed our body/mind harmony system.

          cd (christoph daum, a german football trainer) has as I mean said one correct statement in his public career (i cant remember 2 ;-): you have every second the possibility changing all. and thats it. make it new! let the old be the past. this is what cd tells us (the most of the day ;-)

          and remember, we have a plus, cd is not the illness to die for, so go on and find own straightness and truth, it will help.

          cheers
          italy we come ;-)

          • Dear Myfight,

            Good to see that you are so very actively contributing to this blog!

            As for the muscle disharmony, you know my point of view: yes, we have it, but we have it for a reason, not only because of some accidental, unconscious bad habits. Animals get muscle disharmony when an (outside) influence forces them to follow wrong movement patterns. For humans it’s the same. A healthy system doesn’t develop these patterns. Only when something is blocking (inside) the body, they will appear.

            I totally agree with you that changing destiny is a decision, that can be taken at any moment! See my last post ‘The Vacuum’. However, to me it is important (more so than for you, it seems) to understand where I come from and how and why I got to my current situation. A deeper understanding of that allows to let go of the past and of existing patterns, and to change destiny. It is not necessary at any cost to have this understanding, but I think it helps a lot.

            Keep up the progress you’re making! (And please finally tell us where you are ;-))

          • Hi myfright,
            Thank you for your input! I see what you mean – we’ve been thinking and analyzing a lot – may be too much sometimes. I originally focused more on physical matters (muscles, nervous systems, spine alignment, etc.) and worked to correct the posture and movement. I agree with you that we need to relearn how to align and move our body, and move on. At the same time, I still want to keep searching about the cause because I believe it can prevent happening again from CD or other illnesses/disorders after the recovery if I know the causes. I’m deeply convinced that the mind rules the body. I agree with what CCD mentioned above – it’s not necessary to understand the cause but it helps.
            Thank you for posing a summary of 4 strategies to resolve CD (checking pelvic obliquity, getting massage, re-programming mind card using a mirror) – these are very helpful. I strongly agree for the use of a mirror carefully. I’m not clear what exactly mean by #4 (shotting down internal electricity?). Nice to hear that you are seeing the improvement in such a short time! Keep up with it and keep us posted!

          • hi ccd,
            thanks, it´s nice and interesting to share therapy and progress with other parties concerned. we can learn and feel with us together. (loving and “hating” netherlands ;-)

            I am with you that cd can occur as the hole system has an defect.

            I will ask therapists to make it public on the internet once I will be recovered. For me its also not so important to heal in germany or somewhere else, and it is not so importan if the therapist is called “heinz or gerda or whatever” ;-)

            Important I think is only the strategy resolving cd. let me summarize this again in short words.

            1. check and regular every day pelvic obliquity. (as this is the body fundament)
            2. getting massage several times per day
            (this is just to speed up muscle harmony from external, the internal you have to make it on your own by relaxing – see point 4)
            3. this is the main part: re-programming mind card by doing special body movements again and again. re-programming it by visual feedback with a mirror.
            4. i call it shot down internal electricity (this plus wrong movements caused my cd i am sure). this is the part no therapist can help. i think we have to change the own thoughts.

            regarding the improvement, within 2 weeks of training i am no able to walk down the streets without many symtomps, also sitting periods with no symptomps are getting more and more. i still have issue if i have to concentrate and have to move down the head like writing computer blogs on here ;-) or at eating. therapist means this the error in the hand/head communication. i will work on this.

            how do you are trying to re-programm mind card and how often?

            cheers

          • Dear Myfight,

            Good that your progress is so quick!!! Soon I will hand over this blog to you as you may be overtaking me ;-)

            I agree with your 4 points. But point 4 can be addressed with therapy! E.g., by using Somatic Experiencing or Brain Spotting (both available in Germany). I am doing Somatic Experiencing for some time now, and it works. Dr. Scaer has seen several dystonia patients in the US get healed only with SE.

            For the reprogramming I am doing repetitive exercises (STRC & FCST). Walking is an important part of this. Every day I spend at least 1 hour walking, and 1 hour exercising. How about you?

            Take care!

        • Hi Dolphin, One year ago you wrote this comment about a possible connection with the 6th and 7th chakra. I would love to hear about your further insights in this domain. I am also looking into it and found a lesser known chakra, the Alter Major Chakra at the base of the skull/occiput that might also be relevant to CD…

  14. Hello sunflowersprout,

    I have unfortunately a lot of experience with dentist with CD. It is always a big challenge for me to keep my head in the good position but that was the only problem ;) . Don’t stress yourself.

    How many time do you spend everyday with your STRC exercices? Do you feel a difference. I started yesterday and feel it today (my muscles dont’ like, but it’s OK )How do you sleep at night, can you sleep lying on back? I can’t.

    Your’ origins are from Italy? Which part do you come from; have you ever been yourself their? It’s one of my favorite countries. Last year I was in the south-west Calabrien at Tropea; during a week I was eating fresh tomatoes, mozzarella and cippolla rossa (and ice cream ;) ) This year I will travel to the North part “Lago di Lugano” it really lookes beautiful. People there are very open very dynamic, they have a complete other lifestyle, small houses, old cares, they dry their clothes at their windows, they speak a lot, and loud and fast and I not always understand everything but I really really like them. I can imagine settle down there in 20 years.

    Ciao

    • Hi Amelia!
      Nice to hear from you!
      I have been doing the exercises for 2 weeks now. When I was with Abigail she had me doing 3 repetitions each. Now, since yesterday I added another repetition, so now I am doing 4 repetitions for each stretch/exercise. I would say approximately 45 minutes, because i take breaks and read this blog :). I go to the gym every other day and that takes about 30 minutes. But you must do the stretches everyday.
      She says it is important to take breaks also. I am trying to train myself to go in slow motion, because my tendency is to go fast. You know us type A people. And I’m trying to remember to breath while I do them also.
      So far, somehow I am managing not to over do it, so I am not having much of a fight back, in fact I notice improvements.
      I am now able to read in bed with my head straight. I am now able to walk with my head straighter and it’s not as intense of a struggle. I am also able to look to the right for long periods of time, before the left pull would pull me too hard, and I could not sustain looking to the right.
      So I am managing a balancing act of not too much, but just enough I think. Next week I will add a 5th repetition.
      I am also doing some of the stretches throughout the day that she recommends. This only takes a few minutes
      I trained myself a few months ago to sleep on my back. And now I really like it and never want to go back to side sleeping.
      What helped me in the beginning is putting a pillow under my knees, and I still do this because it feels better.
      Is your husband going to give you some massage? I can’t believe it, but my husband is actually doing this for me every night. He is not that great compared to Abigail, but he’s getting better. I am going to order the finger machine and other items so I can also do more myself.
      Please keep this up everyday, because it will work eventually and we will be free!

      Yes I am 100% Italian. My Mother’s side of family is from the country near Rome. My Father is from Northern Italy (Treviso), it is not too far from Venice. My parents immigrated to Canada in the early 1950’s. I lived in a small town call “Motta Di Livensa” in Treviso for 6 months when I was 11 years old. But my Mother wanted to move back to Canada, because she didn’t like the way my father went to the pubs everyday after work, to talk story with the other men. :) And in this small town the women did not get together and socialize like they do in Canada.
      Honestly I wish we had stayed in the Old Country. Stronger family life, more culture, and more history.
      I look forward to hearing about your trip to Italy this year!

        • Thank-you :) Hopefully it will continue to go smoothly.
          I have another question for anybody who can answer.
          I have a straightened out cervical spine. My chiropractor says and I have read it is important to correct this and bring back the natural curve.
          The problem is, bringing back the natural curve means lying down with a towel rolled up under my neck.
          We’re not suppose to do this on the STRC program, it is counter productive and will aggravate the cd.
          If anyone has any thoughts on this please let me know.

          • hi sunflowersprout,

            i really would like to give a warning for a chiropractor action. please do not let him set your neck hard. i have tried this before, after that my fingers were getting deaf! the cervical spine is so sensitive! you can believe that..better is correct your cervical spine with a softer practic like movement training or “ostheopathie”.

            cheers

          • Thanks Myfight,
            I understand what you are saying. I only use chiropractors who use instruments to very gently adjust the cervical spine.

            I too had bad experiences with the kind of chiropractors that adjust the neck hard. They are no good!
            I would like to try old version Osteopathy.

            Ciao

          • I would be careful with that. I am not as religious regarding not bending the head backward once in a while, but I notice that when I am sleeping in the wrong position, head way back, I get twitching muscles. Just try to correct your posture by chiropractics and telling yourself to maintain the right posture all the time. It requires perseverance, but you have that!

      • Buongiorno piccolo girasole ;)

        There is really an important difference between living in Italy or in Canada. The position of women and of men are completely different. I think both kinds of living has advantages and disadvantages.

        Lying at the back with a pillow beneath my knees makes it a little easier , I will have to train me.

        You wrote something about skull bones; there a approximatevely 30 you are wright (I once had to learn them all in french and latine, it’s far behind me ;) ). Sometimes there can be problems with babys which are born with cesarienne. (the unnatural way, I don’t know the english name); and good chiropracticers can help them. I found out that when I take a long scarf and knot it very strongly around my head ( a little bit as a small turban) I feel a difference in my neck muscles. I guess I change in a microscopic way the dynamic of scullbones. But after an hour I start a little headache (it disappears immediately when I take the scarf off) (I’m not sure that scarf is the wright word).

        I begin to know the stretch movements from STRC. Now in the morning when children left home I first start with my dance workout, which I modified a little bit (chin down). Belly dance with a military Eeeeee looks very elegant, Flamenco rythmes are good for some stretching, african rythms are good for shoulder movements. after that I try to lay down 10 minutes at my back; and than I do the stretch exercises. There I agree that I feel different muscles that I even didn’t remember I have. Doing things slowly is a big challenge for me. Doing exercise in front of a mirror as myfight is saying is even more difficult for me (I’m not ready for that) there is still some mental work to do….

        Ciao from the oooooold continent;)

        • Amelia,
          I am so glad you have time in the mornings to do dance and stretch. you must be very busy a mother and a doctor for hairy patients :)

          It is interesting what you did with the scarf, (scarf is the right word!)
          have you ever tried any kind of chiropractor?

          Ciao Bella!

          • I don’t really have time, I take it (7:20 till 9:00) as a thief. I just have to learn that I don’t have to feel guilty.
            I tried chiropractor several times. For skull it had nearly the same consequence as my scarf. Replacing vortex (spine?) in a soft way, was also Ok. Now vortex often go out and bake by themselfs (they know their home now ;)
            Ciao ciao

          • Buongiorno girasole
            Guess where my cousin flight (flew?) yesterday with her baby….. Yes exactly to Italy (Sardinien) Hmmm makes me dreaming.
            Have a nice weekend
            Ciao bella

          • Sounds wonderful,
            Makes me dreaming too! :)
            How is your exercise going….getting a fight back? I had fight back yesterday, no fun. It’s going to be a challenging time, the many months ahead…..
            So far from amazon I’m going to be ordering the accu-massager, the D-ring yoga strap, and a chest flexor (it’s a metal one with wooden handles)
            I saw the occiput that dolphin ordered, but I may order the one from Australia, they give us 20% discount from STRC.
            Some things you must order straight from the company like the kneading fingers massage and the head harness.
            hope this helps.
            it’s a Bon Giorno here so far, sunny and hot as usual!

  15. No problemo, dann müsstest du aber endlich verraten wo deine super Klinik ist ;)
    Wenn Angie oder ganz Deutschland schief wären, das wäre doch der Renner, dann wären wir wieder in der Norm und es wäre einfacher damit umzugehen ;) Schiefhals für alle (aber ohne Schmerzen, wir sind ja liiiiiebe Menschen)

  16. amelia, das ist auch eine interessante theorie. ggf sind schiefhälse normal und alle anderen nicht. ich schlaf drüber ;-)

    • hallo,
      wer ist schon normal? Das ist ein sehr deeeehnbarer Begriff. Immer kämpfen alle dafür anders zu sein, aus der Masse zu stechen, ;) wir sind anders, interessanter, aber dieses einemal wäre ich auch gerne einmal wie die anderen ;) Lucky Strike is not good for you, and not for your portemonnaie ;)

    • Hallo myfight,
      alles OK (ich werde jetzt auch keine gemeinen Witze machen über EM und sooooo)
      You wrote that it’s good to do repetitiv movements in front of a mirror. Can you please trie to explain me which kind of exercices.

      Danke, schönes Wochenende

      • hi amelia, thank you so much to do not topic germanys fail;)

        yes, i wrote about mirror movements, i think thats the key for me re-programming mind card. there are wrong patterns which have to be corrected with much training so that the mind will recognise what is normal movement. you also have to be free in mind to do this. cd is difficult to resolve as it is in the brain. but i have seen and feel improvement. i am sure to resolvr it and i will give it all the time this will need with no time pressure. sry, but i can not explain in few words how the movements have to be trained. you have to correct so much things within this, the eyes, balancing etcetera. if i will succeef, i will describe this more detailed.

        cheers

  17. Lots of respect for the way you are dealing with your disease and by doing so supporting others as well on their way. It takes a lot of courage to question everything in your self, your mind, your body and this reality. I am convinced that when you put everything into question to find out what is really true and who you really are – you are already far along the road and some miracles might happen…

  18. Thanks to all of you for interesting facts and thoughts. Have you CCD,
    or anyone else, ever heard of Wabi Sabi, which I mentioned briefly before – to me it sounds like an improvment of mindfullness. All the best!

    • Cheonan reports. Yes, I have, since I have been to Japan many times. Observing and enjoying ‘flawed beauty’ will definitely add to the practice of mindfulness! Best regards, CCD

    • Hi Ann – I originally came from the wabi sabi culture where CCD has been, so I know the word but I’ve almost forgotten. Thanks for reminding me about it. It’s a subtle concept that is hard to explain – so I’m surprised you brought that up ;)

      • Hi Dolphine, Yes it is a subtle concept and I’m reading the book I found for the second time. It seems to me that mindfullness focus more on yourself and wabi sabi more on life and your roll as part among others.I will probably read the book a third time. :) How nice to be born in a wabi sabi country. :) Regards to you and CCD

        • Ann – It seems you probably know much more about wabi-sabi than myself ;)
          I’ve been practicing awareness of the ‘present moment’ and acceptance. Eckhart Tolle says, awareness of the present moment is a decision we have to make again and again and again and “Accepting means you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling at that moment.” I think acceptance is similar to the concept of wabi-sabi in terms of acknowledging the realities of “nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.” Tolle also says that happiness is an attitude we can chose. These concepts help me a lot to keep from falling into negative thoughts and to accept myself and others as is despite the CD symptoms (even at the very moment I have a spasm). Reconnecting with spirituality is an unexpected benefit of CD, isn’t it? All the best from California.

          • Hello Dolphin,
            True! I guess you also know what “naikan” means. Am I right if I explain it like “seeing yourself through the spirit of your soul”?There is warmth and tenderness in that. Also I think M Drabble said something like”Where nothing is sure everything is possible.” That gives a lot of hope. Greetings from Sweden

          • Ann – wow, “naikan” is not kind of a word used in daily life (so I’m impressed again) – it may be a Buddhist term. The meaning would be introspection or self-reflection and I think your explanation makes sense. I bet you’ll love Kyoto if you haven’t been – a city with old traditions and many beautiful temples. I like the quotation you mentioned – it perfectly applies to our quest for healing!

  19. Hallo myfight,

    shot down internal electricity, do you think how to reboot a computer? My kinesitherapeuth always tell me that he will try one time to throw me out of his window or down the staircase just to see if he can reboot me ( he is a very kind man from Germany ;) we like each other, even if it doesen’t sound so ) Two month ago I nearly rebooted myself by a very stupid accident, I got a saucepan at my head from a high distance (stupid but true), a really really important bloodloose and a giant headache was the only result (and neckpain)

    price of bleifrei dropped down again in Luxembourg ;) (1.315 euro) , but nothing for you, if you don’t tell me where you are! nanana

  20. Hi CCD – I saw the news that South Korea has hit by extreme heat and power outages these days. I hope you are doing OK there.

    • Thanks a lot for your concern, but not to worry! The weather is great here, not too hot. I still make my walks, and never in shorts. I haven’t had a single power outage. Only a few brief water outages last week.

  21. hello ccd
    you seem very busy for the moment. Everything is OK?
    Will listen to my body and slow down a little bit. I think a more painfull neck and back at the beginning of STRC is normal. Will have to find my body’s tempo.
    Best wishes from Benelux
    bis geschwen

    • Hi Amelia,
      Thanks, yes, everything OK here. Was working on other things indeed.
      It takes some time to find your own body’s rhythm with the exercises. Build up slowly.
      My best regards from Cheonan!

  22. Hello CCD, I have not written for a while, but I have been reading. So many wise people with a lot of great advice. I am glad to see your deviations are less and less, it seems you are getting back on track. I am sure you are missing your home by now and would like to get back. As for me, I have spent a lot of time in the past in recent weeks (memorial ceremonies, etc), but will now start working on staying positive and living in the moment (mindfulness). I am off on a trip to a big city with my family tomorrow, very hot, lots of walking, lots of crowds. This is not a great enviornment for CD patient and I originally pushed to go somewhere more serene, but decided I need to stop being scared and hiding. If I keep hiding, I will eventually lose my life altogether and I am determined not to let that happen. Like many of the people on this blog, I love to travel and have a lot left to see in this big world. If things start to get bad, I will rest and not beat myself up about it. I think we all beat ourselves up too much, like things to be perfect. There is no perfect (and thank god for that or it would be really boring!). Regarding your latest post, I have read it a few times and I too definitely agree there is a strong mind-body connection, but I struggle with the concept that once you are convined you will heal, then you will heal. I think I have too scientific of a mind to fully embrace that. I can see this being true with CD more than other diseases where there is definite physical evidence of disease (cancer, MS, etc), but I still don’t think it is all a mind game. I suppose even if it is, it is still at the atomic level beyond our ability to completely control. The complexity of nature is mind boggling, maybe that was the intent, we are not supposed to figure it all out.

    Keep on truckin’ my friends, looking forward to our future meeting! And thank you to Amelia and Myflight (and CCD!) for writing primarily in English. I can imagine this must be very difficult, but I really appreciate it as you all have a lot of wisdom to share.

    • Hello Carrie,

      happy to hear from you. The last weeks must have been very painful for you. Their are moments in our life which change everything, but those bitter moments can just make us stronger. Big City, walking in the crowd, that’s a big challenge, I’m sure you will manage it. I once was in Rome with my 8 month son, surely there were moments I wanted to ran away, to shout to hide,(that’s normal) but when I look back now, I just remember the beautiful moments. But take your time, don’t make too giant steps, too stressful, because negative experiences won’t make it easier.
      My opinion goes a little bit in your direction, I totally agree that mind can influence our healing, it’s a big part (we win in our head, but we also fail in our head), but unfortunately it is not everything. But positive thinking helps you to feel better, for you and your children. I kept hiding myself for more than a year and my body condition got worse and worse; I touched the bottom and than got the power to start again. And now when sometimes I really feel down I can look back at that year at the beginning of CD and I see that I have yet make a good way (and even with this bad condition that CD sometimes push you in you can find beautiful moments you can live our life ) You have one life and that’s here and now. (perhapse we can not all heal (in general not just for CD patients) but we must live our life the best way we can.
      I wish a nice trip for you and your family
      good greetings from a very very small country called Luxembourg

    • How nice to hear from you again and to know that you have survived the past difficult weeks. And also that you are determined to move forward to recovery. Your tone of voice is much more positive than it was some time ago, which is a big achievement. Surely you’ll be able to make your trip a good experience. And indeed, when you need a rest, just take it. You’ll be fine!
      As for the body-mind connection, it is really quite simple: body = mind. It’s a misconception to think that both are separate entities. This is now being recognized more and more in the western world as well. Regarding the decision to heal, i.e., our intrinsic ability to shape our reality with our thoughts and beliefs, you can find enough scientific proof to make that plausible. Especially at the elementary-particle level. I don’t know exactly what your scientific background is, but if it isn’t physics, please don’t think of these particles as independent, static, fixed building blocks or so. Quantum mechanics has shown that particles aren’t in one place until they are being observed/pinpointed from the outside. (See Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle and the Observer Effect.) So these particles are very strongly influenced by our actions. And this influence may be instantaneous. The Quantum Entanglement phenomenon shows that there is instantaneous communication between two photons in a photon pair (Action at a Distance). That is a very important finding, as it suggests that Einstein’s postulate that the speed of light cannot be exceeded, is not really accurate. One might say that everything is always interconnected. And there are many more pieces of evidence found in consciousness experiments to support this holistic view. We can control and shape it all! We can simply ask our cells to heal.
      Take care and stay tuned!

  23. CCD,
    I’m wondering if your lingering symptoms are just muscle memory at this point?
    How can tight muscles that have been pulling so long, just suddenly stop? This may take time.
    Has your jaw stopped making the popping sounds?

    I read that walking is as much of a brain exercise as it is a musculoskeletal one.
    The movement of limbs, especially if you swing your arms also, is cross-patterned. This movement generates electrical activity in the brain and has great benefit to the central nervous system.
    Walking is a sensory and motor experience and all of this information is processed by the cerebellum, which uses the information to coordinate muscle responses.
    After reading this in a book I can see how the German man was cured of his CD through running in the woods. He retrained his brain, made new neurological pathways. I wonder if he is still cured?, we’ll never know.

    • Thanks for your concern. Yes, who knows it’s somewhere in the muscle memory as well. According to Dr. Scaer it’s in the procedural memory, so yes, by doing repetitive exercises, you should be able to re-train the brain. That is most certainly what the German man has done. (I tried to contact him several weeks ago to ask about his current situation, but no reply. I may investigate this further at a later time.) Walking is a very good exercise for that indeed.
      Yet, I prefer to see my current struggle at a higher level: not (yet fully) being able to let go of old patterns. And it doesn’t help me that I have this project-management mindset to let go of, as well as the little evil voice. It takes some more time, apparently.

  24. Hello Dolphin
    I hope you are fine.,Thank you for giving the good idea of buying material at amazon.com. I checked at amazon.de, amazon.fr… they don’t sell these articles. I found them at Amazon.com as you told (unfortunately they don’t ship to Europe, but I can find a solution for that problem)
    Can you tell me what else you bought there for CD, and what is helpful. That would be very kind.
    Good wishes from Luxembourg

    • Hi America,
      I hope things are going well in your life. It’s been less than a week since I started to use these tools but here are my impressions: Kneading fingers works like miracle. The u-pillow somewhat helps – it’s been about 6 weeks since I started to sleep on my back but it’s still not easy for me. The ice pack – I’m not sure if this works for me but Abbie recommends it. The shepherd’s crook substitute – this doesn’t do anything for me – bodo would be sufficient (I don’t get efficacy from it yet, though). Occipivot is dented in the middle so I feel little stimulation. For more intense stimulation, the one from Australia may be good.
      I have an impression that alternative medicine is more prevalent in Europe than the U.S. (even a majority active people in this blog seems to be Europeans) and doctors in here know little about the cranial sacral therapy. So you may still find substitutes on Google using related key words with different languages you know.

      CCD, have the head harness worked for you? How about magnets? Please let us know your insights on STRC tools, too.

      • Sorry for the late reply!

        As for the STRC tools, herewith my comments.

        U-pillow didn’t work for me. I took a massive NASA-foam pillow and precisely carved out the shape of my head and neck, so that they neatly sink/fit inside the pillow. My ears are just inside the carved out part as well. I then put this pillow on top of my normal pillow. This allows me to keep my head in that position and thus sleep on my back.

        The ice pack works. Try to use it every night after massage!

        The crook and bodo also work. It takes time. The crook addresses the knots and trigger points in the back. I’m sure you have some as well. It’s vital to do this!

        THe head harness also seems to work well for me!

        And I have been using a magnet collar. It has really helped me a lot.

      • Hello Dolphin
        thanks a lot for this informations (also to CCD) Will go shopping.
        California is a nice place to live. Was their in1998 and 1999. Had a nice time in San Francisco, Half moon bay, Carmel and Monterey bay (beautiful aquarium). I felt in love with sea otters and squirrels.
        Now when I think about my CD symptoms started 8 weeks after my trip.

        • CCD – thank you so much for your reply about STRC tools.

          America – yes, it’s nice to live in California – weather is perfect so I’m somewhat spoiled and often forget to be grateful for it. I like the Bay Area where you’ve been – I don’t live there but hopefully in the future. Squirrels sometimes visit outside of my window in the courtyard and they make me peaceful ;)

  25. Hello to everybody who would like to answer

    I always trie to find connection between different systems. Our equilibrium depends (among others) from our middle ear system, from muscles in our neck, from a lot of other nervous receptions in other muscles and from our vision and our brain. They all work together and sometimes try to correct each other when there is a problem with one of them.
    Have you yet tried walking (better not in a crowded place ;) ), or doing other exercises while closing your eyes (one after the other, or both at the same time). If yes had it any influence on it, positive or negative. (perhapse negative just at the beginning because it stresses our brain).
    have a nice evening (here it is evening; I think CCD is sleeping, and some of <ou perhaps just starts their day) , so have a nice what ever you have at this moment Ciao

    • Thank you, right, I must have been sleeping! It’s hot and moist here. Lots of rain, all of a sudden. The rainy season is getting very close…

      I sometimes deliberately close my eyes while I’m walking, and it definitely has a positive effect in terms of freedom. I think it takes away part of the information flow that the brain needs to process and translate into motor signals. So it has a calming effect, at least for me.

  26. Grazie mille,

    for these informations. Yes big fight back, but I will not let him win.
    This morning when I woke up I really had a lot of pain neck shoulder and left arm. I was scared for doing stretching exercises from STRC, but after exercise 5 pain went away and I was so happy.
    No sunshine here, it is really a bad summer, that has a negative impact of a lot of people, but we stay positive. That must be such a wonderful feeling to wake up every morning with the sun in the sky, but perhaps when you see it everyday you don’t appreciate it so much as I ;) .Perhaps somebody need a good veterinary at Honolulu (pleas don’t hesitate to send job offers to following mail address……;)
    Wish you a nice Sunday

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